i havent' really had a good one in a while. i mean i have always gotten great presents that i'm always thankful for, but for the past 4 years those weren't even enough to bring a smile to my face. every year something always happens between me and a girl. its always a girl with me. i'm sure if you're reading this you have learned that. somehow a girl always either breaks my heart or something like that.
this year was different. i haven't dated in a while so there was no girl? but does this christmas suck? of course. why? i am working nights still, on christmas. thanks shoals hospital. but in 5 hours its gonna rule. i broke bank and bought my family all really sweet gifts. and my friends too. i'm really excited to give them their presents. i really love giving. the only things good about this comercial holiday. giving. other than jesus duhh.
anways.
next christmas, i plan to
-kiss my girlfriend who doesn't screw me over or who i don't mess things up with under the mistletoe. hard to belive i've never done that with anyone.
-i'm gonna go to midnight mass. i've never been. i wanna see what thats all about.
-i'm gonna eat alot of dressing. i didn't get any this christmas
- i won't be at the hospital on blogspot
- i'm gonna bring my girlfriend to my family christmas. a place no girl in jordan's life has ever been
- i'm gonna chill with my family all day and take them to a movie
thats what i wanna do. i'm certain that even if these don't happen, that it'll still be a great christmas next year. the whole year looks foward to that one day and starting the day after i'm gonna start getting ready for the next. i've hated christmas for a while now but next year it'll be different.
but jesus love us and always gives. we should model all our lives around this. if we did. we wouldn't need politics, charity programs, medicare or medicaid, just some girftwrap and some bows. love you guys who read whats on my heart. i hope you know i love the lord and that i strive to be like him. be blessed.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
sunday morning
yep, i'm at work on a sunday morning at 7 am. i should be asleep. and i should be able to wake up to go to church in an hour or so, but life happens. i've gotta put an amp on stage so i'm thankful i have a job. speaking of amps, i haven't guitar updated in a while.
i' stil playing through all the same stuff as last time. but i'll tell my stuff anyways just incase. maybe one day if i actually do get to play for a living, people will be able to look back and see where i started.
i'm running my gibson sg >pitchblack tuner>jhs compressor>goodrich volume pedal (which i just found out is actually powered)>jhs banana boost>luther drive>maxon 808 (soon to be either a mad professor s.h.o or a jhs charlie brown)>my timmy>aqua puss>line6 dl4(soon to be a eventide timefactor)>into my vox ac4
i'm happy with that. i wish i had a louder amp with some cool tones but i'm ok with the vox.
now more on jesus.
yesterday i sat on my grandparents porch on the swing my grandparents used to share every afternoon. i sat for a little while and thought of my grandmother that just passed away earlier this year. what does this have to do with jesus? let me finish. i sat there for about 15 minutes and wondered why she was taken away and what it would be like if she was still living. then those thoughts led to the old thought i used to have, about God being real. i wasn't thinking those thoughts but remembering thinking those thoughts and how i used to feel about eternity and God's existance.
i hope that made sense.
for like 5 minutes i was pretty stressed out in my old mind. someone i loved died. someone i'm supposed to love i can't see for feel and i doubt they exist. now i can't see my gradmother and i can't feel her or hear her voice. so does she take the same mindset jesus does now? no. then why do i doubt the existance of God?
i think its because i never hung out with him. or ate lunch with him or played baseball with him. kinda like the thought of having a soul mate. i doubt that more than i doubt God alot of the time. i find it stressful to think that i'm supposed to find this one girl in a world of gynteen billion people and i'm supposed to love her and complete her and all that gooey stuff, but then i wake up one morning and stretch and i almost feel her do the same. wherever she is. sometimes look at the sky or at the world surrouding us and i feel she's doing the same.
why do i doubt? maybe cause i don't know who they are fully yet. i'm not sure who i'm gonna marry. i know what i would like, but i'm not sure if they'll meet my expectations. i know they'll blow my mind but sometimes i forget that. anyways, i don't know if i even really said anything worth reading but whatever.
i feel wonderful today. like eric clapton singing to me wonderful. Jesus is real. He is around today, ask him to help you today. i'm sure he won't mind lol
peace.
i' stil playing through all the same stuff as last time. but i'll tell my stuff anyways just incase. maybe one day if i actually do get to play for a living, people will be able to look back and see where i started.
i'm running my gibson sg >pitchblack tuner>jhs compressor>goodrich volume pedal (which i just found out is actually powered)>jhs banana boost>luther drive>maxon 808 (soon to be either a mad professor s.h.o or a jhs charlie brown)>my timmy>aqua puss>line6 dl4(soon to be a eventide timefactor)>into my vox ac4
i'm happy with that. i wish i had a louder amp with some cool tones but i'm ok with the vox.
now more on jesus.
yesterday i sat on my grandparents porch on the swing my grandparents used to share every afternoon. i sat for a little while and thought of my grandmother that just passed away earlier this year. what does this have to do with jesus? let me finish. i sat there for about 15 minutes and wondered why she was taken away and what it would be like if she was still living. then those thoughts led to the old thought i used to have, about God being real. i wasn't thinking those thoughts but remembering thinking those thoughts and how i used to feel about eternity and God's existance.
i hope that made sense.
for like 5 minutes i was pretty stressed out in my old mind. someone i loved died. someone i'm supposed to love i can't see for feel and i doubt they exist. now i can't see my gradmother and i can't feel her or hear her voice. so does she take the same mindset jesus does now? no. then why do i doubt the existance of God?
i think its because i never hung out with him. or ate lunch with him or played baseball with him. kinda like the thought of having a soul mate. i doubt that more than i doubt God alot of the time. i find it stressful to think that i'm supposed to find this one girl in a world of gynteen billion people and i'm supposed to love her and complete her and all that gooey stuff, but then i wake up one morning and stretch and i almost feel her do the same. wherever she is. sometimes look at the sky or at the world surrouding us and i feel she's doing the same.
why do i doubt? maybe cause i don't know who they are fully yet. i'm not sure who i'm gonna marry. i know what i would like, but i'm not sure if they'll meet my expectations. i know they'll blow my mind but sometimes i forget that. anyways, i don't know if i even really said anything worth reading but whatever.
i feel wonderful today. like eric clapton singing to me wonderful. Jesus is real. He is around today, ask him to help you today. i'm sure he won't mind lol
peace.
Friday, December 17, 2010
I don't
Pretend to have everything together. My last post is proof. But I always am straightforward. I joke alot but in seriousnessesness lol im honest. My flaw is I don't open up anymore. Failed relationships of old have taken its toil on my life and I have employed this great defense. Well I'm tearing it down. Its gonna be hard but I'm gonna be better after.
Next step, open up and be vulnerable and tender.still working on my speech and vocabulary.
Today was a great day. I'm just happy. Jesus still is real.
Next step, open up and be vulnerable and tender.still working on my speech and vocabulary.
Today was a great day. I'm just happy. Jesus still is real.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
December so far
Its been ok. I'm still trying to get everything together. Going slow. I feel foreign. here lately all I want is to be alone in the dark. my favorite thing ever is when I wake up from sleep and kinda panic a little bit cause I don't know where I am. I know its super weird but I like it.
During those times, I forget who I am. The things I love and the things I hate. I forget what controls me and the things I control. my spirit is bare and wide open. That's the only time it happens. I forget the things I've done and the times I've hurt people and I forget the things and the people that hurt me. I'm alone and I couldn't be happier. I'm slowly growing such and tired of all people.
During those times, I forget who I am. The things I love and the things I hate. I forget what controls me and the things I control. my spirit is bare and wide open. That's the only time it happens. I forget the things I've done and the times I've hurt people and I forget the things and the people that hurt me. I'm alone and I couldn't be happier. I'm slowly growing such and tired of all people.
Monday, December 6, 2010
80's
yep. im reppin 80s now. its not real heavy but for me its huge. i've worked hard and its paid off. my goal is to be reppin 100s by my birthday. i think i can do it. i just gotta keep working harder and harder.
anyways. the lord blessed me with a great weekend. i went to church and it was just what i needed. my past relationships are starting to mend. it'll get even better once i learn to watch my mouth. i could tell this weekend that is onething that got bad and i didn't notice it til this weekend. anyways. jesus saves
anyways. the lord blessed me with a great weekend. i went to church and it was just what i needed. my past relationships are starting to mend. it'll get even better once i learn to watch my mouth. i could tell this weekend that is onething that got bad and i didn't notice it til this weekend. anyways. jesus saves
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Wellpah...
Studio went ok. I chickened out singing my own song. But forrest makes killer pads and we still might have a killer song if I can get the timing right
Anyways, tonight was my awakening I guess. I realized I wasted a year. A whole freaking year.lets recap...
Last december. I decided to try to date a really awesome girl which so happened to be my best friend at the time. Ruined that friendship.
January. I started getting restless with my life and wanted to make it exciting. I wanted new friends.
February. I found them. And my life changed forever.
March, I decided I was gonna start living for the lord again but I started feeling led to another church. Which I believe was god. Also I believe god sent me the one.
April -I'm doing well. I'm praying. And by praying I mean I'm mainly mainly spending time with her. Praying some.
May. School ends and I start to work. Things get sketchy with her. Well actually I just suck at life and dating and girls.
June. We break up. I didn't care. I work everyday.and meet alot of girls. Alot of great girls. Not hookups. Just friends but still not where my life should be.
July. Depression. I quit working out.i slept. Then worked.
August. Things got a bit better. Stoked about the new school year.
September. I decided to stay working full time at night while going to school full time.
October. shane moved in. life got fun and simpler..new friends new nicknames. The drink chick I had to carry home. Nothing bad happened but it was funny.
November.i quit nights cause of complete exhaustion. School suffers major. But I start working out and I make alot if great strength gains. I worked hard. Almost my rehab.
And here we are a year later. This time last year I was siting in the hospital when august was born.
I'm through with this. I have nothing else. I'm worn out emotionally. I think jesus knows what he's doing and I'm gonna enjoy my semester off and start doing the basics again. guitar. worship. And giving. Those are the things god has given me and I let them go. I'm getting them back.
This december. I'm getting clean and I'm building my good relationships back up that I ruined.
Its not that he isn't faithful, its that I haven't been consistent and trustworthy.
Anyways, tonight was my awakening I guess. I realized I wasted a year. A whole freaking year.lets recap...
Last december. I decided to try to date a really awesome girl which so happened to be my best friend at the time. Ruined that friendship.
January. I started getting restless with my life and wanted to make it exciting. I wanted new friends.
February. I found them. And my life changed forever.
March, I decided I was gonna start living for the lord again but I started feeling led to another church. Which I believe was god. Also I believe god sent me the one.
April -I'm doing well. I'm praying. And by praying I mean I'm mainly mainly spending time with her. Praying some.
May. School ends and I start to work. Things get sketchy with her. Well actually I just suck at life and dating and girls.
June. We break up. I didn't care. I work everyday.and meet alot of girls. Alot of great girls. Not hookups. Just friends but still not where my life should be.
July. Depression. I quit working out.i slept. Then worked.
August. Things got a bit better. Stoked about the new school year.
September. I decided to stay working full time at night while going to school full time.
October. shane moved in. life got fun and simpler..new friends new nicknames. The drink chick I had to carry home. Nothing bad happened but it was funny.
November.i quit nights cause of complete exhaustion. School suffers major. But I start working out and I make alot if great strength gains. I worked hard. Almost my rehab.
And here we are a year later. This time last year I was siting in the hospital when august was born.
I'm through with this. I have nothing else. I'm worn out emotionally. I think jesus knows what he's doing and I'm gonna enjoy my semester off and start doing the basics again. guitar. worship. And giving. Those are the things god has given me and I let them go. I'm getting them back.
This december. I'm getting clean and I'm building my good relationships back up that I ruined.
Its not that he isn't faithful, its that I haven't been consistent and trustworthy.
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