i am getting ready to drive to birmingham to play with a friend of mine, jonathan newman. we're practicing for a few days coming up that we're leading worship at. i'm playing lead guitar. get you some of that. i'm pretty excited cause i get to play kunde's parts on you are my passion from jesus cultures cd that came out last year. i love that riff so much. i think i'm gonna do him justice. i might even add my own personality to it.
also, i will be leading a worship set during the arks 24/7 worship in januray. tuesdays at 9pm i believe. you should come and make fun of me. don't really have any songs in mind except one i wrote. i don't even know what i want to sound like either. don't even know if i want to play electric or acoustic. this week i'm leaning towards the electric. but if i had to guess, we'd be like jonathan david helser, john mark mcmillian, hammock, and fervent all thrown into a blender. but who knows. chad and ole forrest are gonna have my back so they'll add extra smoothness to the mix.
no ladies for now and i've planned it that way. i'll get back to the game after the holidays.
god's been good as always and i'm planning on 2012 to be the year it gets solid. i'm back into the swing of christianity not that i really went anywhere but you know what i mean. i'm learning about god and myself and where i need to be in life. its somewhere involved with music and caring for people. maybe working with people less fortunate by day and singing/playing guitar at night. but all these years i've been hurting cause i'm not singing or playing somewhere god's promises where always there. they're not even close to where i want them to be but i'm in a good place and i wouldn't trade them for anything. he's taught me so much lately.
mainly, god is teaching me that i don't need a map, i just need a ear to hear and feet willing to go wherever he says. i imagine i'll travel soon but who knows. my parents are always on my case about going back to school but something in me says no almost like i might be leaving soon. to where? i don't know but i can feel like.
the light shines in the darknes, and the darkness can never extinguish it - john 1: 5
-j wiggly
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Hi guys
I can't sleep. I haven't had that problem in a while. It's the holidays so as usual my mind kicks into to overdrive. Let me just go on a rant. I have fallen in "love" with three girls today. I blame it solely on Christmas. Because of the movies, songs, and everything else commercial I fed myself for years, my mind gets tricked into thinking I'm gonna have some gooey romantic holiday Season. I actually don't want that. I want a tv and an xbox. Oh and maybe a yorkie and a glock. Those two don't have to do with each other.
But mostly I want a holiday where I'm not stressed to fall in love but one where I get to sit and be fat and enjoy my friends.
Also, I regret shaving my head bad right now
But mostly I want a holiday where I'm not stressed to fall in love but one where I get to sit and be fat and enjoy my friends.
Also, I regret shaving my head bad right now
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
i was just thinking
and i just realized how easy it would to get me to fall in love with anyone. so if you're a girl and you want to sweep me off my feet. heres the way to do it.
step 1. wait til the first of december. i will always be available. i'm very bitter in christmas time and always look for a girl to love
step 2. wear boots, tights, short skirt "(not to short) basic cardigan/ sweater, always have a scarf, and have long curly hair.
step 3.on a date, have me pick you up at your place but don't let me meet your parents. parents love me and that is a negative for reasons i will not disclose.
step 4. don't get close to my mom or sister for the first year.
step 5. i prefer the smell of your just washed and conditioned hair over any perfume anyday.
step 6. i will ask you out but i wont be able to make a decision cause i want to get something you like. just make sure we end up at a roadhouse of some kind.
step 7. smile a lot and hold eye contact when i try to make it
step 8. don't ever call it a night. ask what are we gonna do after dinner?
step 9. order desert, cause i dont have the balls to fork out the money unless i have someone to share it with.
step 10. argue with me. its hot
step 11. be ok with the fact that i can't decide on what to do after dinner and help me keep the conversation rolling cause we will drive around for two hours before i park somewhere
step 12. and this is the winner. if you want to seal the deal somehow play the song night moves by bob seiger on my stereo, phone, or ipod and have deep meaningful talks with me with that song on repeat. i will be smitten.
step 13. hug me sometime that night for longer than a minute and you have me.
its simple, you girls. get to it.
step 1. wait til the first of december. i will always be available. i'm very bitter in christmas time and always look for a girl to love
step 2. wear boots, tights, short skirt "(not to short) basic cardigan/ sweater, always have a scarf, and have long curly hair.
step 3.on a date, have me pick you up at your place but don't let me meet your parents. parents love me and that is a negative for reasons i will not disclose.
step 4. don't get close to my mom or sister for the first year.
step 5. i prefer the smell of your just washed and conditioned hair over any perfume anyday.
step 6. i will ask you out but i wont be able to make a decision cause i want to get something you like. just make sure we end up at a roadhouse of some kind.
step 7. smile a lot and hold eye contact when i try to make it
step 8. don't ever call it a night. ask what are we gonna do after dinner?
step 9. order desert, cause i dont have the balls to fork out the money unless i have someone to share it with.
step 10. argue with me. its hot
step 11. be ok with the fact that i can't decide on what to do after dinner and help me keep the conversation rolling cause we will drive around for two hours before i park somewhere
step 12. and this is the winner. if you want to seal the deal somehow play the song night moves by bob seiger on my stereo, phone, or ipod and have deep meaningful talks with me with that song on repeat. i will be smitten.
step 13. hug me sometime that night for longer than a minute and you have me.
its simple, you girls. get to it.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
gay
i have a few lesbian friends.
i am a christian.
you see what i did there? i'm a hypocrite. or so some people prolly think lol but i don't think so. these girls are incredible. never in my life have i met more honest and sincere people in my life. no guessing with them. i'm prolly closest to katie. from my knowledge she grew up baptist and has always been in church. right there we have a very similar background. one night we stepped out so she could smoke and i put a fat one in (dip, you guys) and we made small talk. she then turns to Christianity. she let me know how she feels about christians. she talked about how they don't care and the selfishness. she had my ears at that point.
i recently read an article by the guy from that band gungor. and let me go ahead and say i have never listened to any of their music. sad i know but anyways. in the article he almost echoed what she said except he was talking about christian music. in short he was bashing the shallowness of christian music, the kind you'd head on the radio. he mentioned that the words obviously are more important but when sang the sounded lifeless and had no meaning. sounds so much like christianity. he went on to say how the reason was because of money. christian music is like secular music in that its all about selling cds and booking shows but obviously targeted at different audiences. that baffles me.
shouldn't music thats christ inspired be targeted at audiences that christ would be concerned with? i think so. let me bring you a common fact about christ. he loved everyone but they way the bible reads, he extremely disliked the church people of that time and was often angered at them. he hung out with the drunks, prostitutes, and thieves of that day.
where am i going? katie the lesbian said that christians are very selfish and only help to make themselves feel that they did the work of christ that way they could feel accomplished that they could help a lesser person but they wouldn't risk being unequally yoked them so they won't go out of their way to touch a life. she was displeased cause of the drama and gossip in the church. people hate each other in church but you'd never know it cause eveyone's fake in the modern church. we're all to blame.
still foggy i know. here's my point. katie loves people. she writes the best music. why? because she feels. she doesn't let doctrine or selfishness get in the way of her fears, faults, pain or her strengths, successes, and joy. it is untouched by false doctrine or even a true doctrine that might be taken the wrong way. i am making light of homosexuality. really. i am. i know i'm supposed to say im not making light but screw it. i've done lots of horrid things. still do and but i know a God who is bigger than those and being gay. i think he's ok with katie. she told me she prays all the time for God to convict her and when i heard that it took everything in me not to break down and weep. if only i could hear that prayer. her music has weight to it, her words, her love to her girlfriend. i bet that prayer would be powerful in the throneroom of God.
if christians would pray, write music, and love like my favorite lesbian, i think that church would be better. i think broken people wouldn't seem that broken and they could receive the hope of christ so much better and the broken wouldn't be broken anymore.
big gungor also went on a rant about alcohol and its wonderful. jesus drank wine. his first miracle was making the best wine. i don't know about you but i've had alcohol free wine and quite frankly i'd rather lick a pigs chode than try that again. but i have had a glass of fine wine with alcohol and it was incredible. so there you go. jesus drank wine. good wine. that fact ruins christianity for alot of people. it shouldn't. the people who fight so much against alcohol are not seeing the big picture of that story. christ, the son of god the pure and spotless lamb didn't heal thousands that day. he didn't save millions of lost souls. he met the very human need for wine.
he denied his majesty and made wine. today he still does the same thing. he denies his holiness to met the selfish needs of ours. he's selfish for us so we don't have to be. he gives us the charge to go and lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. to give it all so others can live and be happy. its serventhood. thats all christianity is about. serventhood.
so go have a beer with someone who's hurt and love them and do anything to make them feel loved and charish that person. they need us.
stick it,
i am a christian.
you see what i did there? i'm a hypocrite. or so some people prolly think lol but i don't think so. these girls are incredible. never in my life have i met more honest and sincere people in my life. no guessing with them. i'm prolly closest to katie. from my knowledge she grew up baptist and has always been in church. right there we have a very similar background. one night we stepped out so she could smoke and i put a fat one in (dip, you guys) and we made small talk. she then turns to Christianity. she let me know how she feels about christians. she talked about how they don't care and the selfishness. she had my ears at that point.
i recently read an article by the guy from that band gungor. and let me go ahead and say i have never listened to any of their music. sad i know but anyways. in the article he almost echoed what she said except he was talking about christian music. in short he was bashing the shallowness of christian music, the kind you'd head on the radio. he mentioned that the words obviously are more important but when sang the sounded lifeless and had no meaning. sounds so much like christianity. he went on to say how the reason was because of money. christian music is like secular music in that its all about selling cds and booking shows but obviously targeted at different audiences. that baffles me.
shouldn't music thats christ inspired be targeted at audiences that christ would be concerned with? i think so. let me bring you a common fact about christ. he loved everyone but they way the bible reads, he extremely disliked the church people of that time and was often angered at them. he hung out with the drunks, prostitutes, and thieves of that day.
where am i going? katie the lesbian said that christians are very selfish and only help to make themselves feel that they did the work of christ that way they could feel accomplished that they could help a lesser person but they wouldn't risk being unequally yoked them so they won't go out of their way to touch a life. she was displeased cause of the drama and gossip in the church. people hate each other in church but you'd never know it cause eveyone's fake in the modern church. we're all to blame.
still foggy i know. here's my point. katie loves people. she writes the best music. why? because she feels. she doesn't let doctrine or selfishness get in the way of her fears, faults, pain or her strengths, successes, and joy. it is untouched by false doctrine or even a true doctrine that might be taken the wrong way. i am making light of homosexuality. really. i am. i know i'm supposed to say im not making light but screw it. i've done lots of horrid things. still do and but i know a God who is bigger than those and being gay. i think he's ok with katie. she told me she prays all the time for God to convict her and when i heard that it took everything in me not to break down and weep. if only i could hear that prayer. her music has weight to it, her words, her love to her girlfriend. i bet that prayer would be powerful in the throneroom of God.
if christians would pray, write music, and love like my favorite lesbian, i think that church would be better. i think broken people wouldn't seem that broken and they could receive the hope of christ so much better and the broken wouldn't be broken anymore.
big gungor also went on a rant about alcohol and its wonderful. jesus drank wine. his first miracle was making the best wine. i don't know about you but i've had alcohol free wine and quite frankly i'd rather lick a pigs chode than try that again. but i have had a glass of fine wine with alcohol and it was incredible. so there you go. jesus drank wine. good wine. that fact ruins christianity for alot of people. it shouldn't. the people who fight so much against alcohol are not seeing the big picture of that story. christ, the son of god the pure and spotless lamb didn't heal thousands that day. he didn't save millions of lost souls. he met the very human need for wine.
he denied his majesty and made wine. today he still does the same thing. he denies his holiness to met the selfish needs of ours. he's selfish for us so we don't have to be. he gives us the charge to go and lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. to give it all so others can live and be happy. its serventhood. thats all christianity is about. serventhood.
so go have a beer with someone who's hurt and love them and do anything to make them feel loved and charish that person. they need us.
stick it,
Saturday, November 5, 2011
i'm still alive for you
you ever have one of those weeks where nothing goes right? that was this week for me. longest, most painful week of my life. i had to break out the dashboard confessional to even make it. the good news is that i've made it. i've got scars and bruises but i've made it. this is sparta.
its not something i can talk about yet but just know me keeping everything inside is to blame. who knew? its always because i don't talk. everything always ends because of that. i wish i only knew deaf people sometimes. the only thing i know to do is start my life over, i guess. i'm really starting over. taking all my preferences away and rediscovering everything. christianity, girls, music, everything. i've built up a personality and a characteristic that i'm not proud of. two years ago i was a sensitive and honest person and now i'm nothing short of a monster.
i fully believe that i control my life and every aspect of it. of course situations happen but i still control my emotions, how i react, and how things affect me. so i'm starting over. i'm putting everything i've learned this past two years and throwing them away.
roll tide
its not something i can talk about yet but just know me keeping everything inside is to blame. who knew? its always because i don't talk. everything always ends because of that. i wish i only knew deaf people sometimes. the only thing i know to do is start my life over, i guess. i'm really starting over. taking all my preferences away and rediscovering everything. christianity, girls, music, everything. i've built up a personality and a characteristic that i'm not proud of. two years ago i was a sensitive and honest person and now i'm nothing short of a monster.
i fully believe that i control my life and every aspect of it. of course situations happen but i still control my emotions, how i react, and how things affect me. so i'm starting over. i'm putting everything i've learned this past two years and throwing them away.
roll tide
Monday, October 24, 2011
ruckus
life hasn't changed any. i'm marking days off my life and i haven't done anything lately. but its ok. the lord is still doing work in me and i couldn't be more excited.
i'm actually writing cause i have some updates.
the first is im writing. i made a list of various topics and i'm writing on them. maybe to give some insights . when i finish i'll put them up. i'm also got some songs brewing, but you know how that goes. i usually trash them. but i'm gonna give you a line so you at least get that.
"i hope the artists never find the color of your eyes, cause they'd waste them on their beautiful autumn skies."
yep. thats about a girl i know. her eyes are breathtaking.
the second update is me and chad are going to charleston this weekend. party party party. should be fun. more updates to come.
stick it
i'm actually writing cause i have some updates.
the first is im writing. i made a list of various topics and i'm writing on them. maybe to give some insights . when i finish i'll put them up. i'm also got some songs brewing, but you know how that goes. i usually trash them. but i'm gonna give you a line so you at least get that.
"i hope the artists never find the color of your eyes, cause they'd waste them on their beautiful autumn skies."
yep. thats about a girl i know. her eyes are breathtaking.
the second update is me and chad are going to charleston this weekend. party party party. should be fun. more updates to come.
stick it
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
nomnomnomnom
life has been wild. too wild.
so i lost it for about a month but as always, i fell into the presence of the lord somehow. i was acting like an idiot and lost my mind. i gave into my fleshly desires and really fell away from the lord. first time i've ever really lived like that. i'm glad i had an encounter. it was the first one i have had in long, long time. it happened at a prayer meeting and i can't quite explain what happened but i'll try.
i was laying in the floor when the conviction of the lord came upon me. i wept and groaned for hours. during this time, i felt like i was sinking into the floor and i could not physically breathe, so much that i couldn't not form words to pray. never in my life have a had a physical encounter with the lord like that. it was very much a terrifying experience. i learned that God doesn't care about your beliefs, he cares about your heart and what you are and aren't putting in it.
it took and encounter for me, and as a father to the younger kids in our youth group, that is what i'm asking the father. me and blake are devoting our lives to fathering these kids and we don't know what to ask. so i've been using that since its what i needed. it just takes one encounter, one real moment with jesus that will grasp your attention. what they do with that is their own responsibility. i know the last real encounter i had i ran as far from charismatic christianity as i could. hopefully tonight i'll get to pray and speak into some one and that we'll see signs wonders and miracles. lord knows we need them
i know you're wondering so i'll just say it. me and paige broke up, but i'm over it.
also i'm getting a loan tomorrow for an amp.
also i feel cleaner and more christ like than i ever have. i still fail of course but im seeking him more than ever and he's doing a mighty work in me.
stick it
so i lost it for about a month but as always, i fell into the presence of the lord somehow. i was acting like an idiot and lost my mind. i gave into my fleshly desires and really fell away from the lord. first time i've ever really lived like that. i'm glad i had an encounter. it was the first one i have had in long, long time. it happened at a prayer meeting and i can't quite explain what happened but i'll try.
i was laying in the floor when the conviction of the lord came upon me. i wept and groaned for hours. during this time, i felt like i was sinking into the floor and i could not physically breathe, so much that i couldn't not form words to pray. never in my life have a had a physical encounter with the lord like that. it was very much a terrifying experience. i learned that God doesn't care about your beliefs, he cares about your heart and what you are and aren't putting in it.
it took and encounter for me, and as a father to the younger kids in our youth group, that is what i'm asking the father. me and blake are devoting our lives to fathering these kids and we don't know what to ask. so i've been using that since its what i needed. it just takes one encounter, one real moment with jesus that will grasp your attention. what they do with that is their own responsibility. i know the last real encounter i had i ran as far from charismatic christianity as i could. hopefully tonight i'll get to pray and speak into some one and that we'll see signs wonders and miracles. lord knows we need them
i know you're wondering so i'll just say it. me and paige broke up, but i'm over it.
also i'm getting a loan tomorrow for an amp.
also i feel cleaner and more christ like than i ever have. i still fail of course but im seeking him more than ever and he's doing a mighty work in me.
stick it
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
life is quiet, live it loud
after the sky calmed down and night set in the stars began to shine as i imagined my savior did after his last breath before burial.i'm sure somewhere nearby a storm rolled in and someone who was unaware saw that sunset and noticed something different. i picture someone my age walking through the woods and wondered about life. i'm sure he felt an absence in his heart because he didn't know why his life was as dark and lonely as the forest he was in. and in that moment i see him looking up at the stars and seeing the stars and just knowing someone was gazing teary eyed at him and smiling, because he was going to make it. and not just make it but find his way through. i'm sure he thought that God was among the stars.
maybe i'm just making stuff up but thats how i felt that night. and i'm just some ordinary guy, so i'm sure there was some ordinary guy 2000 years ago. yes, i'm writing to tell a story but not just any story. this story is about how life gets quiet and still and us humans often get lost in the minimal. thats how i feel. in times like now i feel like a guitarist who is unsure of himself. he's got great potential but he's too afraid to play because what he has might not fit the song or he might not be able to play what he's dreaming of. i've been that guitarist. the only way to beat that timidity is to turn up and play LOUD. thats right. loud.
my advice to any one reading this is to get loud. even if you can't hear. turn up what you're doing and get heard. take whats inside and let it out. as sloppy or and unfit as it seems. some people hate it, but most will like it. and God wants you to be proud of what you got.
oh and when the band gets that way and you feel like that. its because there needs to be a melody or solo arise. you prolly have it. when life gets quiet like that night did two thousand years ago and you don't know where life is going, breathe deep cause its your time to let out what you know or whats on your heart. if you can do that when all hope is gone and dead in a grave, true courage steps in and something beautiful happens.
i see that person getting back to town after his walk and him telling a friend or a loved one that he needs more. and the other end of the conversation says that they don't know what he's talking about. the young adventurer gets somewhat discouraged but he catches word of what happened that night on calvary. he sets out to find out more and eventually find christ. he believes and commits to that savior. he then slowly becomes a paul or peter. a son of the most high.
thats where i'm at. i'm taking my deep breath and taking the solo. i'm doing what the lord told me to do and i'm using what the lord gave me and he's gonna be so proud.
i know this is a long post but i've been lazy with the blog.
some things i'm stoked about
-new song about mary of bethany i'm writing
-all the bright lights is recording a new song and possibly a new record. those guys just get what music is and how its supposed to be played
-fall
-acoustic music
-possibly going into biology
-climbing
-travel
- #ravinesandchasms (my band)
cya later
stick it
Thursday, August 18, 2011
yep
yep.
uh huh
its been a crappy week...work wise. long days in the hot muggy weather. i've got thousands of mosquito all over my body but other than work life is grand. sunday was a beautiful. the weather breathed of fall. words cannot express how wonderful it felt. me and ole chad went climbing and had alot of fun. its nice to get away and spend time outside. florence alabama is truly the most beautiful city in the world.
last night i went to cliff haven for church. i didn't have to play or anything. the worship was great. God showed up and came on strong. just when i thought i was doing great in my life God showed me he needed much more from me. thats usually how it goes.never get comfortable cause you won't stay there long.
oh and i'm spending the weekend with paige and her family. gonna be fun. hopefully i'll get to do some exploring around there. i've heard that that area of alabama is beautiful and that there is some 'splorin to do
yep
uh huh
its been a crappy week...work wise. long days in the hot muggy weather. i've got thousands of mosquito all over my body but other than work life is grand. sunday was a beautiful. the weather breathed of fall. words cannot express how wonderful it felt. me and ole chad went climbing and had alot of fun. its nice to get away and spend time outside. florence alabama is truly the most beautiful city in the world.
last night i went to cliff haven for church. i didn't have to play or anything. the worship was great. God showed up and came on strong. just when i thought i was doing great in my life God showed me he needed much more from me. thats usually how it goes.never get comfortable cause you won't stay there long.
oh and i'm spending the weekend with paige and her family. gonna be fun. hopefully i'll get to do some exploring around there. i've heard that that area of alabama is beautiful and that there is some 'splorin to do
yep
Sunday, August 7, 2011
natural
all's good in my world. been working hard and loving harder.i've got nothing real to say but i want to keep this thing updated. i've been writing some good music. stuff i'm really proud of and stuff i'd rather play and sing than any other song out there. thats how i think you can tell if you're a good writer. if you like to play your stuff more than anybody else's. i went and saw paige friday. she's great and i love being with her. it stinks that she lives so far away, but everytime i do get to see her, its special and magical. i wouldn't change a thing in my life. well maybe the two hour distance
jesus is good as usual. my christian walk has seemed kinda slow. things that used to seem big don't anymore. i think that means its my time to go more intimate with him. not a bad problem to have actually. i just want and long for more of him. what used to cut it doesn't anymore.
btw, you should listen to andy mckee and hammock. its what i'm feeling right now. you should also go climb. its fun and an experience. you study the rock and try everything to get to the top and when you feel its impossible, you'll succeed very soon. its spiritual for me. god's on that rock as much is he's in a guitar, or a girl, or a walk. he'll see you through and enjoy life with you. he's been so good. he's looking to fellowship with you.
love you guys,
jordan
jesus is good as usual. my christian walk has seemed kinda slow. things that used to seem big don't anymore. i think that means its my time to go more intimate with him. not a bad problem to have actually. i just want and long for more of him. what used to cut it doesn't anymore.
btw, you should listen to andy mckee and hammock. its what i'm feeling right now. you should also go climb. its fun and an experience. you study the rock and try everything to get to the top and when you feel its impossible, you'll succeed very soon. its spiritual for me. god's on that rock as much is he's in a guitar, or a girl, or a walk. he'll see you through and enjoy life with you. he's been so good. he's looking to fellowship with you.
love you guys,
jordan
Sunday, July 31, 2011
i saw you running
i've been great lately. thanks for asking. i've also been listening to all the bright lights very, very loud here lately. fun jams. i like listening to them when i'm in love. btw, i'm in love with this girl. she feels the same way. thats why shes my girlfriend.
not gonna be writing about spiritual stuff this time, but i will update you on whats going on in my life and some future plans.
this is paige. i plan on writing tons of great songs about her.i also am gonna start a post rock band. or a instrumental rock and roll band. i wanna write fun songs about her and god and stuff and play them as loud as i can.
i wanna start a business. just a way to start making good money. i'm gonna find a need and fill it.
the lord is blessing me so much here lately. i've got to play guitar alot and i plan on doing that more.thats my first love.
i think i'm gonna go back to the ark. i visited there this morning and worship was thick and incredible. i miss being in a place like that and playing in a band like that. the word was also good. on time and fiery,
i've been rock climbing some. about to start more in the fall.
i love the fall. its such a warm, homey time of year. i love the colors of the leaves and the chill in the air. i think i'll write songs about that too.
its about time for a new amp too.
anyways, i love you guys.
i promise to update very soon.
not gonna be writing about spiritual stuff this time, but i will update you on whats going on in my life and some future plans.
i wanna start a business. just a way to start making good money. i'm gonna find a need and fill it.
the lord is blessing me so much here lately. i've got to play guitar alot and i plan on doing that more.thats my first love.
i think i'm gonna go back to the ark. i visited there this morning and worship was thick and incredible. i miss being in a place like that and playing in a band like that. the word was also good. on time and fiery,
i've been rock climbing some. about to start more in the fall.
i love the fall. its such a warm, homey time of year. i love the colors of the leaves and the chill in the air. i think i'll write songs about that too.
its about time for a new amp too.
anyways, i love you guys.
i promise to update very soon.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
People.
I was chillin at the beach thinking tonight and I realized I haven't blogged in a long long time. I'm very sorry. Nothing new has changed really.but I've met alot of people here lately so,
Let's talk about people. I met a guy on the beach yesterday. dale was his name. He moved to the beach to do construction. actually he did construction there so he could be at the beach. Smart guy. He randomly started talking to me about life like he knew what I was thinking. He said, man don't worry about people man. If they are busy judging you then they've got their mind off the beach and they don't know (naughty word). Just do what you love, go where it's beautiful, and enjoy what you have.
I'm pretty sure he was drunk but I think he knew what he was talking about. He actually lived what he believed. His dreams weren't dreams, they were reality. I think people we often deem as crazy ste the people who actually have things going right. The crazy people are us who think our dreams will just find us. More to come later. Bigg
Night
Let's talk about people. I met a guy on the beach yesterday. dale was his name. He moved to the beach to do construction. actually he did construction there so he could be at the beach. Smart guy. He randomly started talking to me about life like he knew what I was thinking. He said, man don't worry about people man. If they are busy judging you then they've got their mind off the beach and they don't know (naughty word). Just do what you love, go where it's beautiful, and enjoy what you have.
I'm pretty sure he was drunk but I think he knew what he was talking about. He actually lived what he believed. His dreams weren't dreams, they were reality. I think people we often deem as crazy ste the people who actually have things going right. The crazy people are us who think our dreams will just find us. More to come later. Bigg
Night
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Birthday
That's right. This guy is 21 on the thirteenth. Am I excited? I think. For my birthday I think I'm gonna take a small road trip. Maybe huntsville or birmingham. I wanna get away for the weekend and do some thinking. I've grown accustomed with being alone and for my big day that's what I want.
since my birthday its drawing near I've found myself thinking of the past. I haven't done to much in this short life I've lived.for the most part of it I've wasted alot of time, money and tears on girls makes me sick to think of it. I'm not sure I'll even get married honestly. its not really one of my dreams anymore.
But, the lord has been good. He always has. I'm often ignorant of his presence, but he was ok with it.he knows its getting better. he's proved himself everytime a girl didn't. As much of a crybaby that i am, its nice when someone is there when my heart gets broken. It does alot and he's always there. Thanks god
Ps, I got an amp
since my birthday its drawing near I've found myself thinking of the past. I haven't done to much in this short life I've lived.for the most part of it I've wasted alot of time, money and tears on girls makes me sick to think of it. I'm not sure I'll even get married honestly. its not really one of my dreams anymore.
But, the lord has been good. He always has. I'm often ignorant of his presence, but he was ok with it.he knows its getting better. he's proved himself everytime a girl didn't. As much of a crybaby that i am, its nice when someone is there when my heart gets broken. It does alot and he's always there. Thanks god
Ps, I got an amp
Monday, February 14, 2011
Heartache
I remember a morning we got breakfast.I had been up all night working, just trying to stay alive.we had agreed to a 6am breakfast date.I was glad when time came to clock out cause the night had seemed dreadfully slow due to my excitement.this was what I wanted for my future. that was the day I was going to rekindle the love that should have been but failed as a hot spark without a kindle.
It was still very dark and quiet when we met that morning.her hair promised a soothing warmth for the cool november morning. Her eyes told me she loved me as they often met mine but her heart would soon prove to fail at keeping promises.we rode together to a local hot breakfast bar. We made casual talk a she tried to gain consciousness from her nights rest.I knew it was dangerous and vulnerable but I was pouring myself out today. I would not let her leave me this time without her knowing what she was leaving behind.
Breakfast was lovely. She mostly made small talk while I listened and ate. I paid the bill and she made sure that I knew this wasn't a date.I let her know I was just being generous but that remark of hers tore me apart.
We decided to take the party to my house. the sun was in the sky but it was barely enough to peirce the quilt I had covering the window. The suns struggle to illuminate created an eerie orange glow to my room. It felt surreal but I had to let her know.
She layed on my bed and I collapsed onto my chair beside.my body and soul was exhausted and needed somewhere warm and familiar to rest, but I couldn't just yet.we started talking about god, love and music when she pulled out her phone and played the song poison & wine by the civil wars. From there we decided to unlock the doors of our hearts. Mine for a month, hers for an hour or so.everytime I hear that song, I think of the color and the atmosphere of my room that day. Everytime I think of that aura, I think of her. Everytime she comes to mind, I hear that song. I think I hate that song.
That morning I felt as if I dove into her soul and I pushed her into mine. We shared our fears, told the things that make is feel alone and said what moved us.I told her she's never alone and have her a key to my house. I offered her somewhere to go when she was lonely. I prayed for her as I did everynight on the phone. I told her I cared and that my arms are always open.
Sometimes words are dangerous are like cigarettes. they can calm and bring peace all while rotting the insides. Its taste was pleasurable and warm later turned stale and unpleasant.it was a month before I let go, bitter and defeated. She is a girl who's only comfort is loneliness. She feels alive when she hurts and life isn't real if she has someone who actually cares. Her favorite love songs are ones filled with dissonance and heartache, blue and sad.
She came to my mind tonight as I drove around the countryside thinking. then that song came on.my windows where cracked and I had the heat on for it was chilly outside but only if the wind got through. It reminded me of what its like to long for someone. The faster I would go, the colder I became. When I went for her, she declined my love and I became cold. The slower I would drive, I became hot and the harder it became to breathe. The times previous I played it slow, I became to consumed that I couldn't breathe but I would never know how she felt. romance ends in heartache.
It was still very dark and quiet when we met that morning.her hair promised a soothing warmth for the cool november morning. Her eyes told me she loved me as they often met mine but her heart would soon prove to fail at keeping promises.we rode together to a local hot breakfast bar. We made casual talk a she tried to gain consciousness from her nights rest.I knew it was dangerous and vulnerable but I was pouring myself out today. I would not let her leave me this time without her knowing what she was leaving behind.
Breakfast was lovely. She mostly made small talk while I listened and ate. I paid the bill and she made sure that I knew this wasn't a date.I let her know I was just being generous but that remark of hers tore me apart.
We decided to take the party to my house. the sun was in the sky but it was barely enough to peirce the quilt I had covering the window. The suns struggle to illuminate created an eerie orange glow to my room. It felt surreal but I had to let her know.
She layed on my bed and I collapsed onto my chair beside.my body and soul was exhausted and needed somewhere warm and familiar to rest, but I couldn't just yet.we started talking about god, love and music when she pulled out her phone and played the song poison & wine by the civil wars. From there we decided to unlock the doors of our hearts. Mine for a month, hers for an hour or so.everytime I hear that song, I think of the color and the atmosphere of my room that day. Everytime I think of that aura, I think of her. Everytime she comes to mind, I hear that song. I think I hate that song.
That morning I felt as if I dove into her soul and I pushed her into mine. We shared our fears, told the things that make is feel alone and said what moved us.I told her she's never alone and have her a key to my house. I offered her somewhere to go when she was lonely. I prayed for her as I did everynight on the phone. I told her I cared and that my arms are always open.
Sometimes words are dangerous are like cigarettes. they can calm and bring peace all while rotting the insides. Its taste was pleasurable and warm later turned stale and unpleasant.it was a month before I let go, bitter and defeated. She is a girl who's only comfort is loneliness. She feels alive when she hurts and life isn't real if she has someone who actually cares. Her favorite love songs are ones filled with dissonance and heartache, blue and sad.
She came to my mind tonight as I drove around the countryside thinking. then that song came on.my windows where cracked and I had the heat on for it was chilly outside but only if the wind got through. It reminded me of what its like to long for someone. The faster I would go, the colder I became. When I went for her, she declined my love and I became cold. The slower I would drive, I became hot and the harder it became to breathe. The times previous I played it slow, I became to consumed that I couldn't breathe but I would never know how she felt. romance ends in heartache.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Alone
And before you make your call on what I'm talking about let me just say I'm doing very well. I am sleeping again. That alone is a gift straight from god. I thought I'd never get back to being rested but here I am.
I'm also only 600 dollars away from my guitar amp. 30 watts. el84 power. Yeah buddy. Not only that but my birthday is coming up and i should get a few bucks from taxes. Totally pumped.
I also have a mustache.
More important than that I have been spending alot of time alone with god. Just singing, praying and studying his word. Being alone isn't so bad anymore.
I'm also only 600 dollars away from my guitar amp. 30 watts. el84 power. Yeah buddy. Not only that but my birthday is coming up and i should get a few bucks from taxes. Totally pumped.
I also have a mustache.
More important than that I have been spending alot of time alone with god. Just singing, praying and studying his word. Being alone isn't so bad anymore.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
the things we do to stay alive
over the past 4 or 5 months i have been going through a long hard part of my life. in september i decided that i was going to work the night shift while going to school. i can honestly say that those nights are the worst of my life to date. never in my life have i been more miserable. my nights working i would sit and sulk and wish that were somewhere else and on my nights off i would lie in bed or on the couch and do the same. i never got on a cycle that allowed me to rest. so miserable. i went from the guy who needed 10+ hours of sleep a night to the guy who was lucky to get an hour every three days.
to make things more miserable. some girl troubles were thrown into the mix. a few chicks came into my life and made things more miserable with their ways. this time around with the girls it was them and not me. i got run over so of course i got down and gave up. no sleep, no one around, no hope. at least thats how i felt. saturdays were the only days i could sleep. i would get off saturday morning and go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 730 pm. on saturdays i wouldn't see daylight. and after that i wouldn't sleep well for two more weeks. maybe getting 20 hours of sleep at the most those two week. i find it ironic that on saturday i never saw daylight cause during that time of my life, i never saw daylight. i never saw the resolve. i never came out ahead. always behind.
i was rude and careless. i lost my compassion and love for humanity. some nights i honestly don't know how i was even able to work in such a zombie mode. i would have notes from classes at school that i don't remeber going to. and i would get home and not remember the drive home. pretty scary. i worked all the holidays. the day before, of, and after. (which is absolute bull crap) needless to say i was absolutely miserable.
somethings that made my nights tolerable and the cold chill of depression ease
jennifer- i don't think you'll ever read this but you helped me tremendously. most nights i came in and i hated life, i was pissed, and i felt like i had nothing in life. well you always made me laugh and you were always there for me. you deserve so much more than you have. you are one of the greatest people i have ever met in my entire life. i love you.
the song progress my mutemath. here are the lyrics
Pulling your confidence through
Some courage is well overdue
I believe solely in all your promise
Why waste a second in doubt
You could be helping you out
Keeping your head in the clear
Like an instrument for a song
Like the sun for tomorrow's dawn
Every moment of time's just an answer to find
What you're here for, what you breathe for
What you wake for, what you bleed for
Everyone's counting on you
Save for yourself what to do
Life is a card that you lay down sometimes
To search for the best way of all
Is finding the best way to fall
Keeping your head in the clear
Every moment of time's just an answer to find
What you're here for, what you breathe for
What you wake for, what you bleed for
What you hope for, what you live for
What you're here for, what you breathe for, what you live for
What you're here for, what you bleed for, what you live for
just the melody itself soothed my troubled heart. very simple but it healed a broken heart. that time of my life was just an answer to find what i'm here for. and sometimes you have to know the wrong answer to find out the right ones.
the only time i showed compassion was when i would make marilyn coffee. i know its strange but it helped. i always kept her fresh coffee in her mug. i was good to her. she didn't know why i did. she would ask me, why are you so good to me? and i would just laugh and say i just am. in all honestly, it just felt good to serve someone.
the last chapter of john. most mornings that i remember coming home were usually full of tears and angry but honest prayers. not angry at God but angry at life and myself. when i read that chapter and later blogged about it that same night. i didn't feel alone. i felt just like peter and knowing that someone else was like me was comforting.
shane helped so much when he moved in. we goofed off alot and made some unforgettable moments.
playing guitar with chad was healing at its finest. everytime we plugged in and played, i fought back tears because of how much fun it was. it reminded me of what my heart beats for and why i have the dreams i do.
blogging. it helped me put my thoughts and feeling in front of me and understand what was really going on in my head.
jacks b.e.c. biscuits. it was almost like a goal. survive another night so i could eat a buscuit from jacks. even the dr.pepper was trascendental. something about it was unreal. the food and drinks are always better at 6 am. or earlier.
jessica in radiology. talking to you felt familiar. like an old friend that i loved back when i was 15. i wish i knew your last name so i could add you on facebook. anyways, i always looked foward to you coming to take at 2 am cause time would go by so much faster.
noonday. wednesday would come by and i would be on day 7 of my nights. that means i hadn't slept in a week and i was a zombie. something always happened and made me laugh and i got super cheap lunch. baptists raise hotter girls. true story.
anyways. all those things i think were from God. i think he needed to let me breathe and kinda decide if i really want to follow him and in this time he just sent small reandom things to keep me from dying of misery lol and eventually i decided that i'm gonna stick with him and he started restoring things immediately. did God lead me that way into the fulltime job? i don't think so, i think i did that on my own. did he use that time to extremely teach me? you bet.
all in all, i'm way to excited to be done with this whole thing. my next few entries should have something to do with a new amp and some gear. maybe a girl, but it won't have to do with the shoals er. i love you all.
on the the next stage of my life.
to make things more miserable. some girl troubles were thrown into the mix. a few chicks came into my life and made things more miserable with their ways. this time around with the girls it was them and not me. i got run over so of course i got down and gave up. no sleep, no one around, no hope. at least thats how i felt. saturdays were the only days i could sleep. i would get off saturday morning and go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 730 pm. on saturdays i wouldn't see daylight. and after that i wouldn't sleep well for two more weeks. maybe getting 20 hours of sleep at the most those two week. i find it ironic that on saturday i never saw daylight cause during that time of my life, i never saw daylight. i never saw the resolve. i never came out ahead. always behind.
i was rude and careless. i lost my compassion and love for humanity. some nights i honestly don't know how i was even able to work in such a zombie mode. i would have notes from classes at school that i don't remeber going to. and i would get home and not remember the drive home. pretty scary. i worked all the holidays. the day before, of, and after. (which is absolute bull crap) needless to say i was absolutely miserable.
somethings that made my nights tolerable and the cold chill of depression ease
jennifer- i don't think you'll ever read this but you helped me tremendously. most nights i came in and i hated life, i was pissed, and i felt like i had nothing in life. well you always made me laugh and you were always there for me. you deserve so much more than you have. you are one of the greatest people i have ever met in my entire life. i love you.
the song progress my mutemath. here are the lyrics
Pulling your confidence through
Some courage is well overdue
I believe solely in all your promise
Why waste a second in doubt
You could be helping you out
Keeping your head in the clear
Like an instrument for a song
Like the sun for tomorrow's dawn
Every moment of time's just an answer to find
What you're here for, what you breathe for
What you wake for, what you bleed for
Everyone's counting on you
Save for yourself what to do
Life is a card that you lay down sometimes
To search for the best way of all
Is finding the best way to fall
Keeping your head in the clear
Every moment of time's just an answer to find
What you're here for, what you breathe for
What you wake for, what you bleed for
What you hope for, what you live for
What you're here for, what you breathe for, what you live for
What you're here for, what you bleed for, what you live for
just the melody itself soothed my troubled heart. very simple but it healed a broken heart. that time of my life was just an answer to find what i'm here for. and sometimes you have to know the wrong answer to find out the right ones.
the only time i showed compassion was when i would make marilyn coffee. i know its strange but it helped. i always kept her fresh coffee in her mug. i was good to her. she didn't know why i did. she would ask me, why are you so good to me? and i would just laugh and say i just am. in all honestly, it just felt good to serve someone.
the last chapter of john. most mornings that i remember coming home were usually full of tears and angry but honest prayers. not angry at God but angry at life and myself. when i read that chapter and later blogged about it that same night. i didn't feel alone. i felt just like peter and knowing that someone else was like me was comforting.
shane helped so much when he moved in. we goofed off alot and made some unforgettable moments.
playing guitar with chad was healing at its finest. everytime we plugged in and played, i fought back tears because of how much fun it was. it reminded me of what my heart beats for and why i have the dreams i do.
blogging. it helped me put my thoughts and feeling in front of me and understand what was really going on in my head.
jacks b.e.c. biscuits. it was almost like a goal. survive another night so i could eat a buscuit from jacks. even the dr.pepper was trascendental. something about it was unreal. the food and drinks are always better at 6 am. or earlier.
jessica in radiology. talking to you felt familiar. like an old friend that i loved back when i was 15. i wish i knew your last name so i could add you on facebook. anyways, i always looked foward to you coming to take at 2 am cause time would go by so much faster.
noonday. wednesday would come by and i would be on day 7 of my nights. that means i hadn't slept in a week and i was a zombie. something always happened and made me laugh and i got super cheap lunch. baptists raise hotter girls. true story.
anyways. all those things i think were from God. i think he needed to let me breathe and kinda decide if i really want to follow him and in this time he just sent small reandom things to keep me from dying of misery lol and eventually i decided that i'm gonna stick with him and he started restoring things immediately. did God lead me that way into the fulltime job? i don't think so, i think i did that on my own. did he use that time to extremely teach me? you bet.
all in all, i'm way to excited to be done with this whole thing. my next few entries should have something to do with a new amp and some gear. maybe a girl, but it won't have to do with the shoals er. i love you all.
on the the next stage of my life.
Friday, January 28, 2011
#girlintheskinnys
i'm at the hospital at 1 in the morning. i bet you can't guess what i'm doing here... well i maybe you can guess, but its not so bad tonight. why? cause tonight and tomorrow night are my last two shifts as a shoals hospital employee. yeah buddy
its been a week since my last blog and rightfully so cause nothing has happened. absolutely nothing. i kinda like it. moday i did have my voice lesson though. and i got some cheap encouragement from my teacher. i sang some scales and i said i know i'm bad and she replied, "oh jordan, you have a beautiful voice." that meant so much to me. even if she was lying it still made me feel like i could make my dreams come true. but thats the thing, she was honest. i think my big singing flaw is the fact i haven't ever sang and i have no control yet. i need to keep at it. i'm stoaked.
want to hear some weird stuff? ok cool
i keep having two reaccuring dreams well three but one is lame so i'm not counting it. one dream i'm all decked out in black and combat boots and i'm on top of a building like in downtown new york or something. i have a awesome mustache and i'm heavily armed. like two silenced glocks in a shoulder holdster under my arm pits. i'm smoking. i have a huge sniper rifle and i'm waiting to take a shot. that dream continues and i catch random scenes, almost like a movie. like one is where i'm hiding behind a bar in a room where a business meeting is going on. i have the meeting micd and its being recorded and i also have the room loaded with a bomb. the only thing i know about this scene is that the people in the business meeting are politicians and one is a gang member running for some sort of office. i think my whole role in this dream movie is to take over the city cause i'm taking out leaders of the city, whether social or political.
the other dream is more spiritual i think. i'm just leading worship on stage somewhere. i've had dreams like this alot cause its all i want to do but this one is different. i have that same mustache and i look like a wreck or maybe just from the 90s lol anyways i'm leading chad is there too i'm assuming playing guitar but not sure. here's the weird part though, i'm playing a strat. yes a freaking strat. the one guitar for years that i hate. sounds like nothing to you but to me, thats fishy. the colors are like they used to be in the old dreams, blue lights blue everything and white guitar. i think God's plan for me is starting to really get specific. i like that. hopefully the strat part is a joke. anyways.
thats all thats really happend. i surveyed, i ate, i slept, i worked out. i've also had this one girl on my mind. i hate when i have a girl on my mind. i wish she'd get off my mind so i could think clearly. anyways i'm outski
its been a week since my last blog and rightfully so cause nothing has happened. absolutely nothing. i kinda like it. moday i did have my voice lesson though. and i got some cheap encouragement from my teacher. i sang some scales and i said i know i'm bad and she replied, "oh jordan, you have a beautiful voice." that meant so much to me. even if she was lying it still made me feel like i could make my dreams come true. but thats the thing, she was honest. i think my big singing flaw is the fact i haven't ever sang and i have no control yet. i need to keep at it. i'm stoaked.
want to hear some weird stuff? ok cool
i keep having two reaccuring dreams well three but one is lame so i'm not counting it. one dream i'm all decked out in black and combat boots and i'm on top of a building like in downtown new york or something. i have a awesome mustache and i'm heavily armed. like two silenced glocks in a shoulder holdster under my arm pits. i'm smoking. i have a huge sniper rifle and i'm waiting to take a shot. that dream continues and i catch random scenes, almost like a movie. like one is where i'm hiding behind a bar in a room where a business meeting is going on. i have the meeting micd and its being recorded and i also have the room loaded with a bomb. the only thing i know about this scene is that the people in the business meeting are politicians and one is a gang member running for some sort of office. i think my whole role in this dream movie is to take over the city cause i'm taking out leaders of the city, whether social or political.
the other dream is more spiritual i think. i'm just leading worship on stage somewhere. i've had dreams like this alot cause its all i want to do but this one is different. i have that same mustache and i look like a wreck or maybe just from the 90s lol anyways i'm leading chad is there too i'm assuming playing guitar but not sure. here's the weird part though, i'm playing a strat. yes a freaking strat. the one guitar for years that i hate. sounds like nothing to you but to me, thats fishy. the colors are like they used to be in the old dreams, blue lights blue everything and white guitar. i think God's plan for me is starting to really get specific. i like that. hopefully the strat part is a joke. anyways.
thats all thats really happend. i surveyed, i ate, i slept, i worked out. i've also had this one girl on my mind. i hate when i have a girl on my mind. i wish she'd get off my mind so i could think clearly. anyways i'm outski
Saturday, January 22, 2011
get two week noticed
i did the unthinkable thursday night. i turned in my took week notice. crazy right? i finally caved in and decided that my time here for now is done. i'm so sick of working everyday and night and killing myself for minimum wage. i love the work but the hours are killing me.
the other night i went to bed at like midnight but laid there til about 4. my mind was going crazy. i couldn't sleep and all i could do was think about work, money, and what i'm going to do with my life. i'm to young to be stressing about money and things like that. my friend christina was helpful though. she would text me encouraging things. i have a lot of awesome friends in my life. i'm really a lucky guy. not often do you have 3 sets of 20 or more friends who would do anything for me if i needed it. i'm so thankful for my cliff haven crew, ark crew, and my college crew.
the night after i was trying to go to sleep and i couldn't of course, so i decided to read the bible. i came across psalm 4. in it david was talking about being down and out and sleepless. i think that david was going through what i was. that psalm gave me some fresh air that i needed. thats what scripture, i think is meant for. let me explain. scripture is God inspired and has no flaws. basic fact, but it is told from a man's point of view. man is flawed. evertime i read about jesus or people longing for jesus, its perfect and real at the same time. perfect the way it tells the story or facts, but real and human. we can relate to everything. like david, i perfectly relate to what he was going through and at the same time i get some advice, help, and instruction to take my mind, body, and actions to a higher place. i don't read the bible and get a bitter feeling cause i see rules and old stories, i see people who loved God but had some trouble getting there. but God was always faithful, blew some minds, and did most of the work as long as the people strived and laid down their lives. Good stuff.
anyways.i started taking voice again. i'm super excited. mondays at 230 i take over the world a little bit at a time.
God bless
the other night i went to bed at like midnight but laid there til about 4. my mind was going crazy. i couldn't sleep and all i could do was think about work, money, and what i'm going to do with my life. i'm to young to be stressing about money and things like that. my friend christina was helpful though. she would text me encouraging things. i have a lot of awesome friends in my life. i'm really a lucky guy. not often do you have 3 sets of 20 or more friends who would do anything for me if i needed it. i'm so thankful for my cliff haven crew, ark crew, and my college crew.
the night after i was trying to go to sleep and i couldn't of course, so i decided to read the bible. i came across psalm 4. in it david was talking about being down and out and sleepless. i think that david was going through what i was. that psalm gave me some fresh air that i needed. thats what scripture, i think is meant for. let me explain. scripture is God inspired and has no flaws. basic fact, but it is told from a man's point of view. man is flawed. evertime i read about jesus or people longing for jesus, its perfect and real at the same time. perfect the way it tells the story or facts, but real and human. we can relate to everything. like david, i perfectly relate to what he was going through and at the same time i get some advice, help, and instruction to take my mind, body, and actions to a higher place. i don't read the bible and get a bitter feeling cause i see rules and old stories, i see people who loved God but had some trouble getting there. but God was always faithful, blew some minds, and did most of the work as long as the people strived and laid down their lives. Good stuff.
anyways.i started taking voice again. i'm super excited. mondays at 230 i take over the world a little bit at a time.
God bless
Saturday, January 15, 2011
i knew it all along
the girl at the gym totally vibes me.
anyways. haven't blogged in almost two weeks or so. been busy. the wednesday after i last blogged i got to do a little teaching at church. and by teaching, i mean i shared my heart and proved that i'm a big crybaby. it was good though. i felt like a connected to some people and let them know that they're not alone and that they can make it.
i bet you can't guess where i'm at. thats right shoals hospital at 3am. thats my life for now i guess. God's been good to me. i'm getting alot of hours and getting a very nice amp is very much possible and very soon. its gonna take hard work and discipline but i should be getting one of those new vox ac30 handwired pretty amps. i'm so stoaked.
this week i started writing my book. lots of people told me all at about the same time that i should write my stories down, so i took their advice. i started my book. i'm really excited to be writing again. i'm pretty much telling all the awkward and strange stories of my dating life. such as the first kiss, the pee story, and maybe even the i heard the girl pee story. i'm pretty sure it'll make most people laugh and offend some. if it actually gets read, i might even try to get some stupid publisher to pick it up. not really worried about it though.
i go wednesday to sign up for singing lessons. i'm pretty excited. hopefully i'll learn how to sing and you know, be able to do what i dream of doing. well, other than last nights dream.
last night i dreamed about me getting married. the girl look simliar to a girl i actually knew but it wasn't her. she was a beautiful brunette and loved me. i so vividly remember me being nervous because this was the big day that i was waiting for my whole life. once i was in those shoes it didn't feel like i thought it would though. i felt shy, unstable and vulnerable. the lighting in the dream was weird. it felt like those old time photos you get taken in gatlinburg.
in the dream i loved the girl and wanted to spend my whole life with her but i was so afraid. i knew that i was no longer responsible for just me that i had her i had to protect and support and make sure that her dreams came true. i also had to make sure i kept myself in check because no one wants a crappy husband. thats why i woke up stressed out more than i ever have in my life. so stressed i went to my parents house for pancakes. but i only got french toast sticks. sad day
but i don't wanna get married anymore. at least til next week. any ways i know this is the worst post ever but i just wanted to update you fellas on my life.
peace out.
ps. she really wants to be momma bear
anyways. haven't blogged in almost two weeks or so. been busy. the wednesday after i last blogged i got to do a little teaching at church. and by teaching, i mean i shared my heart and proved that i'm a big crybaby. it was good though. i felt like a connected to some people and let them know that they're not alone and that they can make it.
i bet you can't guess where i'm at. thats right shoals hospital at 3am. thats my life for now i guess. God's been good to me. i'm getting alot of hours and getting a very nice amp is very much possible and very soon. its gonna take hard work and discipline but i should be getting one of those new vox ac30 handwired pretty amps. i'm so stoaked.
this week i started writing my book. lots of people told me all at about the same time that i should write my stories down, so i took their advice. i started my book. i'm really excited to be writing again. i'm pretty much telling all the awkward and strange stories of my dating life. such as the first kiss, the pee story, and maybe even the i heard the girl pee story. i'm pretty sure it'll make most people laugh and offend some. if it actually gets read, i might even try to get some stupid publisher to pick it up. not really worried about it though.
i go wednesday to sign up for singing lessons. i'm pretty excited. hopefully i'll learn how to sing and you know, be able to do what i dream of doing. well, other than last nights dream.
last night i dreamed about me getting married. the girl look simliar to a girl i actually knew but it wasn't her. she was a beautiful brunette and loved me. i so vividly remember me being nervous because this was the big day that i was waiting for my whole life. once i was in those shoes it didn't feel like i thought it would though. i felt shy, unstable and vulnerable. the lighting in the dream was weird. it felt like those old time photos you get taken in gatlinburg.
in the dream i loved the girl and wanted to spend my whole life with her but i was so afraid. i knew that i was no longer responsible for just me that i had her i had to protect and support and make sure that her dreams came true. i also had to make sure i kept myself in check because no one wants a crappy husband. thats why i woke up stressed out more than i ever have in my life. so stressed i went to my parents house for pancakes. but i only got french toast sticks. sad day
but i don't wanna get married anymore. at least til next week. any ways i know this is the worst post ever but i just wanted to update you fellas on my life.
peace out.
ps. she really wants to be momma bear
Saturday, January 8, 2011
kansas city shuffle
i'm chilling and i know i should blog about something but i can't really think of anything to say. so i'm just gonna give an update of my life. just basic stuff.
most importanly i'm single as can be still. this isn't that important.
i'm still saving for that amp. its more important.
i think i get stood up for more dates than anyone. its ok, major leagers only bat like .200 and they're considered awesome.
speaking of baseball, just a few more months before the season starts back. hopefully this year i'll get to watch more.
still pumping iron hard. "gotta get it deep" "yeah buddy"
i'm playing with this lady at the ark for a few worship sets. i've never played with her before and i've only heard her sing once. from what i remember she's good though. real good.
i'm trying to talk kristin into letting me deliver her next child. one day i will deliver a baby and when i do i'm gonna hold the baby over my head in the hall and have the lion king song playing over the intercom. actually i think i want this to happen at the birth of my child.
wednesday night cheryl let me teach at youth. taught on dat bread stuff. went well i guess. thousands got saved, healed and delivered. the anti christ was there and he gave his life to the lord. well actually none of that happened but i shared my heart and i think there are alot of people going through what i'm going through and i got to share some things that has helped me and i let them know they're not alone.
last night i heard the best acoustic guitar sound in a worship service. it was josh holders larrivee and it was mic'd at the sound hole with a sm57. he didn't use the pickup in the guitar. i hate those things. when i play i'm gonna do it the same way. it might not sound that important to you but for me that sound changed the way i think about acoustics in worship. it sounded real and it sounded so organic. the way an acoustic is supposed to be, in my opinion.
i've been tying to stuff on guitar. new ways to strum. new pickup/pedal combinations. i'm trying to not do as much jwig generic guitar stuff. sometimes, its not a good thing to sound like yourself to much. if you get comfortable in your playing, its harder to get better and write.
i'm rambling and i know it.
most importanly i'm single as can be still. this isn't that important.
i'm still saving for that amp. its more important.
i think i get stood up for more dates than anyone. its ok, major leagers only bat like .200 and they're considered awesome.
speaking of baseball, just a few more months before the season starts back. hopefully this year i'll get to watch more.
still pumping iron hard. "gotta get it deep" "yeah buddy"
i'm playing with this lady at the ark for a few worship sets. i've never played with her before and i've only heard her sing once. from what i remember she's good though. real good.
i'm trying to talk kristin into letting me deliver her next child. one day i will deliver a baby and when i do i'm gonna hold the baby over my head in the hall and have the lion king song playing over the intercom. actually i think i want this to happen at the birth of my child.
wednesday night cheryl let me teach at youth. taught on dat bread stuff. went well i guess. thousands got saved, healed and delivered. the anti christ was there and he gave his life to the lord. well actually none of that happened but i shared my heart and i think there are alot of people going through what i'm going through and i got to share some things that has helped me and i let them know they're not alone.
last night i heard the best acoustic guitar sound in a worship service. it was josh holders larrivee and it was mic'd at the sound hole with a sm57. he didn't use the pickup in the guitar. i hate those things. when i play i'm gonna do it the same way. it might not sound that important to you but for me that sound changed the way i think about acoustics in worship. it sounded real and it sounded so organic. the way an acoustic is supposed to be, in my opinion.
i've been tying to stuff on guitar. new ways to strum. new pickup/pedal combinations. i'm trying to not do as much jwig generic guitar stuff. sometimes, its not a good thing to sound like yourself to much. if you get comfortable in your playing, its harder to get better and write.
i'm rambling and i know it.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Bread
First off let me say what the ark is doing this month is all god, no man. He's here. 24/7 is the way its supposed to be.
Anyways, I came to pray yesterday at the ark and before I got started I was talking with some friends about eating. Someone said something and all I heard was the word bread and immediately my spirit jumped. So during prayer I started praying about bread and reading about it.
One scripture in particular caught my eye. Its the 6th chapter of john. in it jesus feeds the 5000. typical church story but it spoke to me different than ever before. He first asks his disciples how can we feed these people when one recommends the young boy. He gives instructions to distribute then gather the leftovers.
Later in the chapter those people find jesus asking him how to work the lords work. He pretty much just says just to believe and feed upon the bread.
About that time during prayer I noticed that the prayer focus was to pray for the lords presence all week.
Today the lord brought the last chapter of john to my mind which I have already written about. Pretty much jesus askes peter three times do you love me and everytimpeter said yes jesus responded feed my sheep.
The lord started pouring out revelation immediately. That last chapter is such a beautiful picture of the lords presence. When he's around he feeds. It happens both of these times and many more. But in john 6 he lets his disciples know don't waste my bread which is his presence. Pick up what's left and give it to those who need. I feel this what peter was to do also. Jesus was saying, I'm feeding you bread and fish now you take what I've given you and feed my sheep.
Anyways, I came to pray yesterday at the ark and before I got started I was talking with some friends about eating. Someone said something and all I heard was the word bread and immediately my spirit jumped. So during prayer I started praying about bread and reading about it.
One scripture in particular caught my eye. Its the 6th chapter of john. in it jesus feeds the 5000. typical church story but it spoke to me different than ever before. He first asks his disciples how can we feed these people when one recommends the young boy. He gives instructions to distribute then gather the leftovers.
Later in the chapter those people find jesus asking him how to work the lords work. He pretty much just says just to believe and feed upon the bread.
About that time during prayer I noticed that the prayer focus was to pray for the lords presence all week.
Today the lord brought the last chapter of john to my mind which I have already written about. Pretty much jesus askes peter three times do you love me and everytimpeter said yes jesus responded feed my sheep.
The lord started pouring out revelation immediately. That last chapter is such a beautiful picture of the lords presence. When he's around he feeds. It happens both of these times and many more. But in john 6 he lets his disciples know don't waste my bread which is his presence. Pick up what's left and give it to those who need. I feel this what peter was to do also. Jesus was saying, I'm feeding you bread and fish now you take what I've given you and feed my sheep.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
new year
i'm pretty excited. 2011 should be a wonderful, actually, it will be a wonderful year. do you ever feel like something great is about to happen? well i feel that way right now. i mean, i've had alot of hard times this past year. alot of heartache, alot of pain, and alot of sleepless nights. so obviously, the only thing left is love, joy and lots of sleep. at least i hope so.
i'm starting this year off with some fasts but i'm gonna be doing alot during this year. its time for me to hear the voice of the lord clearer than i used to. i'm getting into some places where i've never been and i need his direction. i'm also getting real close to finding me a woman. sounds crazy since i'm not even close to talking to anyone but i know she's close. i wake up and i just know. and i need the lord to help me stay connected with her and she needs the lord to stay patient with me.
but i'm starting to realize i'm not so bad off. i mean i'm nothing special, but the lord is doing great and mighty things in me everyday and i'm excited. i take pride in that. i am a big deal. when God gets involved who isn't? this year, i'm gonna go places that only exist in my dreams.
i'm starting this year off with some fasts but i'm gonna be doing alot during this year. its time for me to hear the voice of the lord clearer than i used to. i'm getting into some places where i've never been and i need his direction. i'm also getting real close to finding me a woman. sounds crazy since i'm not even close to talking to anyone but i know she's close. i wake up and i just know. and i need the lord to help me stay connected with her and she needs the lord to stay patient with me.
but i'm starting to realize i'm not so bad off. i mean i'm nothing special, but the lord is doing great and mighty things in me everyday and i'm excited. i take pride in that. i am a big deal. when God gets involved who isn't? this year, i'm gonna go places that only exist in my dreams.
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