Heartache

I remember a morning we got breakfast.I had been up all night working, just trying to stay alive.we had agreed to a 6am breakfast date.I was glad when time came to clock out cause the night had seemed dreadfully slow due to my excitement.this was what I wanted for my future. that was the day I was going to rekindle the love that should have been but failed as a hot spark without a kindle.

It was still very dark and quiet when we met that morning.her hair promised a soothing warmth for the cool november morning. Her eyes told me she loved me as they often met mine but her heart would soon prove to fail at keeping promises.we rode together to a local hot breakfast bar. We made casual talk a she tried to gain consciousness from her nights rest.I knew it was dangerous and vulnerable but I was pouring myself out today. I would not let her leave me this time without her knowing what she was leaving behind.

Breakfast was lovely. She mostly made small talk while I listened and ate. I paid the bill and she made sure that I knew this wasn't a date.I let her know I was just being generous but that remark of hers tore me apart.

We decided to take the party to my house. the sun was in the sky but it was barely enough to peirce the quilt I had covering the window. The suns struggle to illuminate created an eerie orange glow to my room. It felt surreal but I had to let her know.

She layed on my bed and I collapsed onto my chair beside.my body and soul was exhausted and needed somewhere warm and familiar to rest, but I couldn't just yet.we started talking about god, love and music when she pulled out her phone and played the song poison & wine by the civil wars. From there we decided to unlock the doors of our hearts. Mine for a month, hers for an hour or so.everytime I hear that song, I think of the color and the atmosphere of my room that day. Everytime I think of that aura, I think of her. Everytime she comes to mind, I hear that song. I think I hate that song.

That morning I felt as if I dove into her soul and I pushed her into mine. We shared our fears, told the things that make is feel alone and said what moved us.I told her she's never alone and have her a key to my house. I offered her somewhere to go when she was lonely. I prayed for her as I did everynight on the phone. I told her I cared and that my arms are always open.

Sometimes words are dangerous are like cigarettes. they can calm and bring peace all while rotting the insides. Its taste was pleasurable and warm later turned stale and unpleasant.it was a month before I let go, bitter and defeated. She is a girl who's only comfort is loneliness. She feels alive when she hurts and life isn't real if she has someone who actually cares. Her favorite love songs are ones filled with dissonance and heartache, blue and sad.

She came to my mind tonight as I drove around the countryside thinking. then that song came on.my windows where cracked and I had the heat on for it was chilly outside but only if the wind got through. It reminded me of what its like to long for someone. The faster I would go, the colder I became. When I went for her, she declined my love and I became cold. The slower I would drive, I became hot and the harder it became to breathe. The times previous I played it slow, I became to consumed that I couldn't breathe but I would never know how she felt. romance ends in heartache.

Alone

And before you make your call on what I'm talking about let me just say I'm doing very well. I am sleeping again. That alone is a gift straight from god. I thought I'd never get back to being rested but here I am.

I'm also only 600 dollars away from my guitar amp. 30 watts. el84 power. Yeah buddy. Not only that but my birthday is coming up and i should get a few bucks from taxes. Totally pumped.

I also have a mustache.

More important than that I have been spending alot of time alone with god. Just singing, praying and studying his word. Being alone isn't so bad anymore.