gay

i have a few lesbian friends.

i am a christian.

you see what i did there? i'm a hypocrite. or so some people prolly think lol but i don't think so. these girls are incredible. never in my life have i met more honest and sincere people in my life. no guessing with them. i'm prolly closest to katie. from my knowledge she grew up baptist and has always been in church. right there we have a very similar background. one night we stepped out so she could smoke and i put a fat one in (dip, you guys) and we made small talk. she then turns to Christianity. she let me know how she feels about christians. she talked about how they don't care and the selfishness. she had my ears at that point.

i recently read an article by the guy from that band gungor. and let me go ahead and say i have never listened to any of their music. sad i know but anyways. in the article he almost echoed what she said except he was talking about christian music. in short he was bashing the shallowness of christian music, the kind you'd head on the radio. he mentioned that the words obviously are more important but when sang the sounded lifeless and had no meaning. sounds so much like christianity. he went on to say how the reason was because of money. christian music is like secular music in that its all about selling cds and booking shows but obviously targeted at different audiences. that baffles me.

shouldn't music thats christ inspired be targeted at audiences that christ would be concerned with? i think so. let me bring you a common fact about christ. he loved everyone but they way the bible reads, he extremely disliked the church people of that time and was often angered at them. he hung out with the drunks, prostitutes, and thieves of that day.

where am i going? katie the lesbian said that christians are very selfish and only help to make themselves feel that they did the work of christ that way they could feel accomplished that they could help a lesser person but they wouldn't risk being unequally yoked them so they won't go out of their way to touch a life. she was displeased cause of the drama and gossip in the church. people hate each other in church but you'd never know it cause eveyone's fake in the modern church. we're all to blame.

still foggy i know. here's my point. katie loves people. she writes the best music. why? because she feels. she doesn't let doctrine or selfishness get in the way of her fears, faults, pain or her strengths, successes, and joy. it is untouched by false doctrine or even a true doctrine that might be taken the wrong way. i am making light of homosexuality. really. i am. i know i'm supposed to say im not making light but screw it. i've done lots of horrid things. still do and but i know a God who is bigger than those and being gay. i think he's ok with katie. she told me she prays all the time for God to convict her and when i heard that it took everything in me not to break down and weep. if only i could hear that prayer. her music has weight to it, her words, her love to her girlfriend. i bet that prayer would be powerful in the throneroom of God.

if christians would pray, write music, and love like my favorite lesbian, i think that church would be better. i think broken people wouldn't seem that broken and they could receive the hope of christ so much better and the broken wouldn't be broken anymore.

big gungor also went on a rant about alcohol and its wonderful. jesus drank wine. his first miracle was making the best wine. i don't know about you but i've had alcohol free wine and quite frankly i'd rather lick a pigs chode than try that again. but i have had a glass of fine wine with alcohol and it was incredible. so there you go. jesus drank wine. good wine. that fact ruins christianity for alot of people. it shouldn't. the people who fight so much against alcohol are not seeing the big picture of that story. christ, the son of god the pure and spotless lamb didn't heal thousands that day. he didn't save millions of lost souls. he met the very human need for wine.

he denied his majesty and made wine. today he still does the same thing. he denies his holiness to met the selfish needs of ours. he's selfish for us so we don't have to be. he gives us the charge to go and lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. to give it all so others can live and be happy. its serventhood. thats all christianity is about. serventhood.

so go have a beer with someone who's hurt and love them and do anything to make them feel loved and charish that person. they need us.

stick it,

i'm still alive for you

you ever have one of those weeks where nothing goes right? that was this week for me. longest, most painful week of my life. i had to break out the dashboard confessional to even make it. the good news is that i've made it. i've got scars and bruises but i've made it. this is sparta.

its not something i can talk about yet but just know me keeping everything inside is to blame. who knew? its always because i don't talk. everything always ends because of that. i wish i only knew deaf people sometimes. the only thing i know to do is start my life over, i guess. i'm really starting over. taking all my preferences away and rediscovering everything. christianity, girls, music, everything. i've built up a personality and a characteristic that i'm not proud of. two years ago i was a sensitive and honest person and now i'm nothing short of a monster.

i fully believe that i control my life and every aspect of it. of course situations happen but i still control my emotions, how i react, and how things affect me. so i'm starting over. i'm putting everything i've learned this past two years and throwing them away.

roll tide

ruckus

life hasn't changed any. i'm marking days off my life and i haven't done anything lately. but its ok. the lord is still doing  work in me and i couldn't be more excited.

i'm actually writing cause i have some updates.

the first is im writing. i made a list of various topics and i'm writing on them. maybe to give some insights . when i finish i'll put them up. i'm also got some songs brewing, but you know how that goes. i usually trash them. but i'm gonna give you a line so you at least get that.

"i hope the artists never find the color of your eyes, cause they'd waste them on their beautiful autumn skies."

yep. thats about a girl i know. her eyes are breathtaking.

the second update is me and chad are going to charleston this weekend. party party party. should be fun. more updates to come.

stick it

nomnomnomnom

life has been wild. too wild.

so i lost it for about a month but as always, i fell into the presence of the lord somehow. i was acting like an idiot and lost my mind. i gave into my fleshly desires and really fell away from the lord. first time i've ever really lived like that. i'm glad i had an encounter. it was the first one i have had in long, long time. it happened at a prayer meeting and i can't quite explain what happened but i'll try.

i was laying in the floor when the conviction of the lord came upon me. i wept and groaned for hours. during this time, i felt like i was sinking into the floor and i could not physically breathe, so much that i couldn't not form words to pray. never in my life have a had a physical encounter with the lord like that. it was very much a terrifying experience. i learned that God doesn't care about your beliefs, he cares about your heart and what you are and aren't putting in it.

it took and encounter for me, and as a father to the younger kids in our youth group, that is what i'm asking the father. me and blake are devoting our lives to fathering these kids and we don't know what to ask. so i've been using that since its what i needed. it just takes one encounter, one real moment with jesus that will grasp your attention. what they do with that is their own responsibility. i know the last real encounter i had i ran as far from charismatic christianity as i could. hopefully tonight i'll get to pray and speak into some one and that we'll see signs wonders and miracles. lord knows we need them

i know you're wondering so i'll just say it. me and paige broke up, but i'm over it.

also i'm getting a loan tomorrow for an amp.

also i feel cleaner and more christ like than i ever have. i still fail of course but im seeking him more than ever and he's doing a mighty work in me.

stick it

life is quiet, live it loud

got back from seeing paige yesterday. i actually went to her town and stayed all weekend. very beautiful area. lots of mountains and woods. i love places like that. its breathtaking to sit and watch the sunset over a lake surrounded by mountains. the colors were incredible. didn't want to take a picture. there isn't enough quality in any camera to match the same beauty i was beholding. truly one of the most awesome sights i've ever seen. i was in that atmosphere and with my lovely girlfriend, but all that crossed my mind was christ. the sunset was purple like his bruises. the lake reflected red like his last drop of blood that was shed. the sky above was dark  and lonely like my life before him.

after the sky calmed down and night set in the stars began to shine as i imagined my savior did after his last breath before burial.i'm sure somewhere nearby a storm rolled in and someone who was unaware saw that sunset and noticed something different. i picture someone my age walking through the woods and wondered about life. i'm sure he felt an absence in his heart because he didn't know why his life was as dark and lonely as the forest he was in. and in that moment i see him looking up at the stars and seeing the stars and just knowing someone was gazing teary eyed at him and smiling, because he was going to make it. and not just make it but find his way through. i'm sure he thought that God was among the stars.

maybe i'm just making stuff up but thats how i felt that night. and i'm just some ordinary guy, so i'm sure there was some ordinary guy 2000 years ago. yes, i'm writing to tell a story but not just any story. this story is about how life gets quiet and still and us humans often get lost in the minimal. thats how i feel. in times like now i feel like a guitarist who is unsure of himself. he's got great potential but he's too afraid to play because what he has might not fit the song or he might not be able to play what he's dreaming of. i've been that guitarist. the only way to beat that timidity is to turn up and play LOUD. thats right. loud.

my advice to any one reading this is to get loud. even if you can't hear. turn up what you're doing and get heard. take whats inside and let it out. as sloppy or and unfit as it seems. some people hate it, but most will like it. and God wants you to be proud of what you got.

oh and when the band gets that way and you feel like that. its because there needs to be a melody or solo arise. you prolly have it. when life gets quiet like that night did two thousand years ago and you don't know where life is going, breathe deep cause its your time to let out what you know or whats on your heart. if you can do that when all hope is gone and dead in a grave, true courage steps in and something beautiful happens.

i see that person getting back to town after his walk and him telling a friend or a loved one that he needs more. and the other end of the conversation says that they don't know what he's talking about. the young adventurer gets somewhat discouraged but he catches word of what happened that night on calvary. he sets out to find out more and eventually find christ. he believes and commits to that savior. he then slowly becomes a paul or peter. a son of the most high.

thats where i'm at. i'm taking my deep breath and taking the solo. i'm doing what the lord told me to do and i'm using what the lord gave me and he's gonna be so proud.

i know this is a long post but i've been lazy with the blog.

some things i'm stoked about

-new song about mary of bethany i'm writing

-all the bright lights is recording a new song and possibly a new record. those guys just get what music is and how its supposed to be played

-fall

-acoustic music

-possibly going into biology

-climbing

-travel

- #ravinesandchasms (my band)

cya later

stick it

yep

yep.

uh huh

its been a crappy week...work wise. long days in the hot muggy weather. i've got thousands of mosquito all over my body but other than work life is grand. sunday was a beautiful. the weather breathed of fall. words cannot express how wonderful it felt. me and ole chad went climbing and had alot of fun. its nice to get away and spend time outside. florence alabama is truly the most beautiful city in the world.

last night i went to cliff haven for church. i didn't have to play or anything. the worship was great. God showed up and came on strong. just when i thought i was doing great in my life God showed me he needed much more from me. thats usually how it goes.never get comfortable cause you won't stay there long.

oh and i'm spending the weekend with paige and her family. gonna be fun. hopefully i'll get to do some exploring around there. i've heard that that area of alabama is beautiful and that there is some 'splorin to do

yep

natural

all's good in my world. been working hard and loving harder.i've got nothing real to say but i want to keep this thing updated. i've been writing some good music. stuff i'm really proud of and stuff i'd rather play and sing than any other song out there. thats how i think you can tell if you're a good writer. if you like to play your stuff more than anybody else's. i went and saw paige friday. she's great and i love being with her. it stinks that she lives so far away, but everytime i do get to see her, its special and magical. i wouldn't change a thing in my life. well maybe the two hour distance

jesus is good as usual. my christian walk has seemed kinda slow. things that used to seem big don't anymore. i think that means its my time to go more intimate with him. not a bad problem to have actually. i just want and long for more of him. what used to cut it doesn't anymore.

btw, you should listen to andy mckee and hammock. its what i'm feeling right now. you should also go climb. its fun and an experience. you study the rock and try everything to get to the top and when you feel its impossible, you'll succeed very soon. its spiritual for me. god's on that rock as much is he's in a guitar, or a girl, or a walk. he'll see you through and enjoy life with you. he's been so good. he's looking to fellowship with you.

love you guys,
jordan