enough of the ridiculous posts. time to get back to business.
i hate school. english class is stupid. history is really stupid. and my music classes are really starting to get old. i feel like i'm tearing myself apart. working full time at night, then going to school for a major i don't really care about. i like music, but all i really wanna do is play guitar for a living. that doesn't seem like its gonna happen. i had a dream last night that i actually did play guitar for a living, making good money and could have a familiy of my own. i woke up to reality though. no cool guitars, no wife with crazy little kids. just an alarm waking me up for english class.
for the past week i have been waking up and questioning if i'll ever pass english, math, and history, much less graduate college. it doesn't seem like it. i can't write papers. i stink at algebra. the system is stupid. i wonder what jesus would do if he were a 20 year old electric guitar player who couldn't pass english comp or history. i mean clearly this is hypothetical but its not a stupid thought is it?
i think he would take it slow and relax. he would remember to breathe when he hasn't slept all night. he would remember to eat too. and not drink so many energy drinks. he would prolly get tutored and and check in with friends to see what was do and have people check his homework. he would constantly email the teachers asking for them to look over essays and term papers and he would actually practice his piano and guitar sometime in the day.
he would take his time most of all, i believe. so thats what i need to do i guess. do what jesus would do.
(i know that jesus wouldn't have problems with school. i'm just saying)
i don't sleep any more and i can't hardly remember what happened the day before. but i think thats ok for now. i think that God will eventually turn my water into wine. i'm stale and flavorless and lacking in joy, but i think he's gonna change that slowly. things will lighten up and my path will start to get better and easier when i start to get more disciplined and get used to this working nights.
peace. God loves.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
broke
getting noticed.
i walk through campus everyday and i catch some eyes. i'm not the prettiest guy in the world and i'm not being conceded. but i make serious eye contact everyday. i mean serious. i mean so serious, i catch that watery eye glaze where i just know that she wants to blink and look away but she sees something in my soul that draws her. invites her. or at least thats what i like to belive. the point is that i get eye to eye contact and it's intense. at least 2 full seconds a pop.
90% of the time i never act on these moments, but the ones i do act on turn me down 92% of the time, every time.
i have plenty of stories, but i'll spare you.
anyways, here's the plan. i'm gonna start staring at girls. instead of looking them in the eyes and turning away after a glance. i'm gonna straight creep the next girl who decides she'll check me out. i'm talking stare at her for like an hour. she'll either respond to my advances or run off and never look at a guy again until she finds the one. this will be a great thing for guys everywhere.
anyways, i don't know why this font got bigger and i can't fix this so this is more important. some girl walked up the other day at school and sat down in front of me while i was waiting for class at school. she started pulling art supplies out of her backpack and started drawing. so i decided to talk to her cause she was pretty attractive. i asked her, "you an art student?"
all she said was "yeah. my boyfriends in commercial music." true story. she shot me fast in record time. i never had a chance. never have i approached a girl that i didn't know and it be even remotely successful. in fact, everytime i have, i have been humiliated. guys, never approach girls. instead, creep them on facebook and educate yourselves on the girl. that way you know what you're up against.
some tips i've learned as a successful facebook creeper.
-always check the relationship status. sometimes the one under info isn't true. some girls are married to rock starts, friends or guys they think they love. for a more accurate status. check pictures for a guy that is in a lot of them, then check the profile pics. if he is in there chances are they're dating. but be look for the beautiful crop out. the picture that she cropped the reaccuring guy was in the picture, but she thinks that he's not profile cuteness worthy. this a sign of single. also heavily monitor the comments.
-make sure she's hot. this speaks for itself. guys are attracted to different characteristics. thats cool, but make sure you're creeping someone that has all the traits worth creepin.
-this is vital. check the mom. you want a girl who ages well so the mom is a good idea of what she will look like. how? most moms are on facebook and they can be found under the info and are usually linked on the creeped girls page. if not, try the prom or formal photo albums. girls 90% of the time take pictures of their mom before they leave the house. these pictures are usually at the top of the album.
-make sure she's not spam
- know her age. again. sometime the profile lies. resort to pictures, interests and comments.
-do not poke the girl. ever.
- find out who she hangs with. then find someone you know that hangs with her, or her friends. slowly wiggle your way through the society to meet her. hang out with friends to meet their friends and then meet their friends who know her. it takes time, but so did the wall of china.
- lastly, seal the deal. start talking. sparingly at first. but let communication grow as her infatuation.
hope this helps.
i walk through campus everyday and i catch some eyes. i'm not the prettiest guy in the world and i'm not being conceded. but i make serious eye contact everyday. i mean serious. i mean so serious, i catch that watery eye glaze where i just know that she wants to blink and look away but she sees something in my soul that draws her. invites her. or at least thats what i like to belive. the point is that i get eye to eye contact and it's intense. at least 2 full seconds a pop.
90% of the time i never act on these moments, but the ones i do act on turn me down 92% of the time, every time.
i have plenty of stories, but i'll spare you.
anyways, here's the plan. i'm gonna start staring at girls. instead of looking them in the eyes and turning away after a glance. i'm gonna straight creep the next girl who decides she'll check me out. i'm talking stare at her for like an hour. she'll either respond to my advances or run off and never look at a guy again until she finds the one. this will be a great thing for guys everywhere.
anyways, i don't know why this font got bigger and i can't fix this so this is more important. some girl walked up the other day at school and sat down in front of me while i was waiting for class at school. she started pulling art supplies out of her backpack and started drawing. so i decided to talk to her cause she was pretty attractive. i asked her, "you an art student?"
all she said was "yeah. my boyfriends in commercial music." true story. she shot me fast in record time. i never had a chance. never have i approached a girl that i didn't know and it be even remotely successful. in fact, everytime i have, i have been humiliated. guys, never approach girls. instead, creep them on facebook and educate yourselves on the girl. that way you know what you're up against.
some tips i've learned as a successful facebook creeper.
-always check the relationship status. sometimes the one under info isn't true. some girls are married to rock starts, friends or guys they think they love. for a more accurate status. check pictures for a guy that is in a lot of them, then check the profile pics. if he is in there chances are they're dating. but be look for the beautiful crop out. the picture that she cropped the reaccuring guy was in the picture, but she thinks that he's not profile cuteness worthy. this a sign of single. also heavily monitor the comments.
-make sure she's hot. this speaks for itself. guys are attracted to different characteristics. thats cool, but make sure you're creeping someone that has all the traits worth creepin.
-this is vital. check the mom. you want a girl who ages well so the mom is a good idea of what she will look like. how? most moms are on facebook and they can be found under the info and are usually linked on the creeped girls page. if not, try the prom or formal photo albums. girls 90% of the time take pictures of their mom before they leave the house. these pictures are usually at the top of the album.
-make sure she's not spam
- know her age. again. sometime the profile lies. resort to pictures, interests and comments.
-do not poke the girl. ever.
- find out who she hangs with. then find someone you know that hangs with her, or her friends. slowly wiggle your way through the society to meet her. hang out with friends to meet their friends and then meet their friends who know her. it takes time, but so did the wall of china.
- lastly, seal the deal. start talking. sparingly at first. but let communication grow as her infatuation.
hope this helps.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Two in one week?
My computer at work its laying down on me right now so I can't do to much. So I think I might continue last nights (mornings?) Thought.
There's nothing better than the heart being warmed. I remember hugging a friend in church a few years ago and we both started weeping. I have no idea why. I wasn't praying for him or prophesying to him. He wasn't doing anything spiritual to me either. I did encounter jesus that day though my friend though. I hope he can day the same. I caught a glimpse of john the beloved disciple laying his head on jesus's chest. I wonder why he did that?
I don't think I have any speculations on it honestly. Maybe he was getting that same embrace I did that day. I'm starting to believe that's what he was doing. I wonder if his dreams ever came true? I bet they did. I mean he got closer to jesus's heart than everyone else.
That's what warms the heart, I think. Touching the heart of jesus. I don't think its that hard either. I think we can do that still.
I also love how they were eating the same time this was happening. There's that dinner with jesus again. Everytime there's a meal with jesus something intimate and heart warming happens. Count on it.its all through the bible. if someone needs something real in their life, they need to be shown how to dine with jesus.
How go you dine? I think that to its easy. I think it's filling your deepest hunger, in the deepest parts of you, with the presence of jesus. It's taking everything we want and long for and putting jesus there.
Simple. Teach someone to eat
There's nothing better than the heart being warmed. I remember hugging a friend in church a few years ago and we both started weeping. I have no idea why. I wasn't praying for him or prophesying to him. He wasn't doing anything spiritual to me either. I did encounter jesus that day though my friend though. I hope he can day the same. I caught a glimpse of john the beloved disciple laying his head on jesus's chest. I wonder why he did that?
I don't think I have any speculations on it honestly. Maybe he was getting that same embrace I did that day. I'm starting to believe that's what he was doing. I wonder if his dreams ever came true? I bet they did. I mean he got closer to jesus's heart than everyone else.
That's what warms the heart, I think. Touching the heart of jesus. I don't think its that hard either. I think we can do that still.
I also love how they were eating the same time this was happening. There's that dinner with jesus again. Everytime there's a meal with jesus something intimate and heart warming happens. Count on it.its all through the bible. if someone needs something real in their life, they need to be shown how to dine with jesus.
How go you dine? I think that to its easy. I think it's filling your deepest hunger, in the deepest parts of you, with the presence of jesus. It's taking everything we want and long for and putting jesus there.
Simple. Teach someone to eat
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Can't complain
So its 2 58 am and I'm blogging. Nights like tonight make me wanna crawl in a hole and die. I don't wanna work nights and go to school full time. I don't wanna do anything.
Why did I apply for this job? Honestly, I don't know. its an ok job, but it leads me know where near my dreams. In fact, its starting to steer me straight away from it.
What is my dream? Good question. I used to say my dream is what I wake up thinking about and what I fall asleep thinking about. But lately I don't sleep anymore. I actually don't even think or anything anymore. My life is becoming a blur. I never know what I'm doing. I'm just moving. Bouncing from a thirty minute nap to work to school.
My dream its to be helpful and tender. I wanna be the person that can change a bad day into the best day ever. I dream of loving people. Guitar is cool and working in the er is ok, but its lost its appeal. But what hasn't its the idea of finding some girl to fall in love with and reaching out to people.
I kinda understand why jesus was so compassionate. he was human just like me and wanted to feel alive. Every human feels this way in some way and I think jesus set a great example for a heart that's heavy and can't find relief.
like the last chapter of john. The disciples go fishing. I see them trying to clear their mind after all that had happened. Their most beloved friend had been executed and resurrected. The past few years had been trying. They had seen things done not physically possible and had all their priorities completely re-established. Needless to say a human mind and spirit would be tired and troubled.
Jesus sits and asks peter if he loves him three times. Almost like he were speaking to his mind body and spirit. He then after each reply, told peter to tend his sheep.
I feel the same way as peter almost two thousand years later. I get tired hurt and confused. That's when early in the morning, I feel like I'm getting asked do you love me? If so tend my sheep.
That's when I breathe. Dine with jesus and re focus. Life its not about me. Its about tending the sheep
Ps. this was typed via droid so its prolly filled errors in writing. Even more so than normal lol
Why did I apply for this job? Honestly, I don't know. its an ok job, but it leads me know where near my dreams. In fact, its starting to steer me straight away from it.
What is my dream? Good question. I used to say my dream is what I wake up thinking about and what I fall asleep thinking about. But lately I don't sleep anymore. I actually don't even think or anything anymore. My life is becoming a blur. I never know what I'm doing. I'm just moving. Bouncing from a thirty minute nap to work to school.
My dream its to be helpful and tender. I wanna be the person that can change a bad day into the best day ever. I dream of loving people. Guitar is cool and working in the er is ok, but its lost its appeal. But what hasn't its the idea of finding some girl to fall in love with and reaching out to people.
I kinda understand why jesus was so compassionate. he was human just like me and wanted to feel alive. Every human feels this way in some way and I think jesus set a great example for a heart that's heavy and can't find relief.
like the last chapter of john. The disciples go fishing. I see them trying to clear their mind after all that had happened. Their most beloved friend had been executed and resurrected. The past few years had been trying. They had seen things done not physically possible and had all their priorities completely re-established. Needless to say a human mind and spirit would be tired and troubled.
Jesus sits and asks peter if he loves him three times. Almost like he were speaking to his mind body and spirit. He then after each reply, told peter to tend his sheep.
I feel the same way as peter almost two thousand years later. I get tired hurt and confused. That's when early in the morning, I feel like I'm getting asked do you love me? If so tend my sheep.
That's when I breathe. Dine with jesus and re focus. Life its not about me. Its about tending the sheep
Ps. this was typed via droid so its prolly filled errors in writing. Even more so than normal lol
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
7 days off
whats going on forum?
last week was a hard week for me. i'm not even gonna lie. i let my doubts and fears get the best of me for a good ten days or so. maybe its the long nights at work. i don't know. i think sometimes i try so hard at everything i do that when things don't go according to my "perfect" plan that i have in my head, i freak out. i don't know why i think i can control life. i can't. no one can. humans don't get to plan. we just react to life as it comes.
its kinda depressing. the hard things come and most of the time we are caught off guard. actually all the time we are caught off guard.who ever prepares for heartache? i know i don't. sometimes i hope to much and make things more tragic than they really are cause they don't compare to my dream world.
the thing about life is getting caught off guard. its bad alot, but sometimes getting your world turned upside down is great. sometimes when you get a check in the mail from no where when you weren't even needing money is awesome. or seeing a good friend from a long time ago at school. or seeing a shooting star. or finding love where you thought there wasn't any. i think that makes life worth the tears and the difficulty breathing in the bad times.
the best feeling ever is a burden being lifted, but we wouldn't know that feeling without the burden. i think that makes sense?
last week was dark cold and dreary, but because of that my steps are a little lighter. my grass is greener. my heart is beating again and i can breathe. all my eyes see this week is beauty and i owe it all to last week.
as for guitar and other things. my volume came in. its sweet. i actually made it into applied voice. pretty sweet. the girl i was talking to wouldn't have any of ole j wig but thats ok. i'm better and over it.
over all, life is good. read this with a smile and listen to your favorite song and laugh. think about love and how much you love to love. its the only thing worth living for.
peace.
last week was a hard week for me. i'm not even gonna lie. i let my doubts and fears get the best of me for a good ten days or so. maybe its the long nights at work. i don't know. i think sometimes i try so hard at everything i do that when things don't go according to my "perfect" plan that i have in my head, i freak out. i don't know why i think i can control life. i can't. no one can. humans don't get to plan. we just react to life as it comes.
its kinda depressing. the hard things come and most of the time we are caught off guard. actually all the time we are caught off guard.who ever prepares for heartache? i know i don't. sometimes i hope to much and make things more tragic than they really are cause they don't compare to my dream world.
the thing about life is getting caught off guard. its bad alot, but sometimes getting your world turned upside down is great. sometimes when you get a check in the mail from no where when you weren't even needing money is awesome. or seeing a good friend from a long time ago at school. or seeing a shooting star. or finding love where you thought there wasn't any. i think that makes life worth the tears and the difficulty breathing in the bad times.
the best feeling ever is a burden being lifted, but we wouldn't know that feeling without the burden. i think that makes sense?
last week was dark cold and dreary, but because of that my steps are a little lighter. my grass is greener. my heart is beating again and i can breathe. all my eyes see this week is beauty and i owe it all to last week.
as for guitar and other things. my volume came in. its sweet. i actually made it into applied voice. pretty sweet. the girl i was talking to wouldn't have any of ole j wig but thats ok. i'm better and over it.
over all, life is good. read this with a smile and listen to your favorite song and laugh. think about love and how much you love to love. its the only thing worth living for.
peace.
Monday, September 6, 2010
working like a champ
just ordered a jhs comp and a goodrich volume pedal. i'm pretty excited. still don't have an amp but i'm working on that. anyways
i've been at working everyday since thursday. 8 30 pm til 6 am. its long night but i like it alright. it'll get me through school and pay for some serious guitar equipment. hopefully, on my weeks off from work i'll be able to start playing some places if the Lord allows it.
i feel like its been my time to chill in the background as far as guitar playing. hopefully that is changing as you read this. i wanna play for a living so bad but i don't know if i will.
anyways i'm out.
i've been at working everyday since thursday. 8 30 pm til 6 am. its long night but i like it alright. it'll get me through school and pay for some serious guitar equipment. hopefully, on my weeks off from work i'll be able to start playing some places if the Lord allows it.
i feel like its been my time to chill in the background as far as guitar playing. hopefully that is changing as you read this. i wanna play for a living so bad but i don't know if i will.
anyways i'm out.
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