anyways

enough of the ridiculous posts. time to get back to business.

i hate school. english class is stupid. history is really stupid. and my music classes are really starting to get old. i feel like i'm tearing myself apart. working full time at night, then going to school for a major i don't really care about. i like music, but all i really wanna do is play guitar for a living. that doesn't seem like its gonna happen. i had a dream last night that i actually did play guitar for a living, making good money and could have a familiy of my own. i woke up to reality though. no cool guitars, no wife with crazy little kids. just an alarm waking me up for english class.

for the past week i have been waking up and questioning if i'll ever pass english, math, and history, much less graduate college. it doesn't seem like it. i can't write papers. i stink at algebra. the system is stupid. i wonder what jesus would do if he were a 20 year old electric guitar player who couldn't pass english comp or history. i mean clearly this is hypothetical but its not a stupid thought is it?

i think he would take it slow and relax. he would remember to breathe when he hasn't slept all night. he would remember to eat too. and not drink so many energy drinks. he would prolly get tutored and and check in with friends to see what was do and have people check his homework. he would constantly email the teachers asking for them to look over essays and term papers and he would actually practice his piano and guitar sometime in the day.

he would take his time most of all, i believe. so thats what i need to do i guess. do what jesus would do.
(i know that jesus wouldn't have problems with school. i'm just saying)

i don't sleep any more and i can't hardly remember what happened the day before. but i think thats ok for now. i think that God will eventually turn my water into wine. i'm stale and flavorless and lacking in joy, but i think he's gonna change that slowly. things will lighten up and my path will start to get better and easier when i start to get more disciplined and get used to this working nights.

peace. God loves.